A day of tears

and boredom.

I’ve been paranoid about how things are with Paul and I and by showing him my paranoia and mistrust in him I have caused an arguement. We are both in the wrong, but I think because of my state of mind I have an excuse, what excuse does he have for playing games?

I’ve cried alot. I cried on the phone to him, I cried on the phone to my mum, I cried watching tv. I’m emotional. I’m a wreck.

I’m desperate to get back to work, but its too soon after my op. Before I start running around at work, I need to make sure I am healed completely. Its just that sitting in on my own everyday is hard when you’re losing your mind. My mind plays tricks on me, finds reasons to upset me. Its like I can’t trust myself anymore.

Anyway, its my party on saturday. My own birthday party… and no doubt I’ll cry if I want to.
Paul has the plans sorted. I have my party dress sorted.

This is such a pointless entry 🙁
Today has been meaningless.