More nuntz cut off today & Roy shows me his dread

7:24am
I am still switching my clocks around this morning!  I worked over the weekend and haven’t quite caught up with all of them. 

This morning I stopped the "Morning Nuntz!"  Now Robert will only get the breast at night before sleep and in 2 weeks that will end as well.  I think I am doing the right thing, cuz I really wanted him weaned before he turns 2 and so he’s got a month and 2 weeks left to go!  I’d prefer to cut him off a month prior to his birthday so I don’t have to deprive him of his bliss on his birthday.  PLUS I started Wellbutrin and should probably not be breastfeeding anymore anyway. 

Regarding the Wellbutrin.  I needed something to keep me focused and going during the day.  I needed something to help me with my depression and anxiety and to deal with all the crap that comes with having an ADD Stepson.  I asked my Dr. for Vivance (which is what Dylan takes) and he didn’t think a stimulant is something that I needed.  He opted to have me try Wellbutrin (which works on addictions as well) and said if that didn’t work I could try Stratera before trying a stimulant.  So far I like the wellbutrin.  It does increase the heartrate (or strength of the beat, can’t tell) and does help me stay focused.  I also found that I don’t really use much Nicotine gum (1-3 pieces a day instead of 4-5) and don’t need as much coffee.  I also don’t need herb as much either and even go days without it!  For me that’s real good.  I’ve been using herb to combat my depression for a LONG time.  (started when I was 18)  I go off and on anti-depressants, but herb has always been pretty consistant help. 

About Roy’s hair:  I haven’t really SEEN his hair in a very long time. He keeps his rasta hats on at all times – even while he sleeps!   I think over the summer I got to see it once when he got into the ocean!  It was pretty dreadded, but not like the "usual" dread look.  He just let his hair dread on it’s own, kind of.  At one point probably a year ago he had me put little colored rubber bands in it by his scalp to kinda separate the dreads.  But even at that time the tangles were such that I couldn’t really separate parts at the scalp cuz hairs were crossing over into nearby dreads.  I’ve never encouraged him having dreads as he has such BEAUTIFUL natural blonde hair.  It was almost down to his butt when we went to Jamaica.  WELL…  what I saw last night was quite a shock!  (although I was prepared)  Roy started out by saying he needed to talk to me, and he took so long to start the talk I got a little nervous.  He told me not to be nervous as he was only going to be talking about himself (?!)  So he did give me a long history of how he didn’t do his dreads right and that he has been reading about how he can properly dread his hair now.  Actually, CC offerred to professionally dread his hair a year and a half ago after she combed out his first dread attempt.  But I guess he had his reasons for not doing that at the time.  Well, now his hair has shifted and twisted and SLID up into itself until it is one big, ball of dreaded hair.  I guess it’s very irritating and he says it probably weighs a pound on the back of his head!!  It must be dreadfully difficult to sleep on.  Sheesh.  I had no idea it was like that.  I will definitely shoot some pics of it, but he actually told me that I will need to cut it off!!!!!!  That mean ALL HIS YEARS OF GROWTH will be gone and he will have short hair for the first time probably since he was young!  (he’s 45 now)  And I am the LAST person who should be cutting his hair!!  I never cut hair and have no experience (aside from my bangs.)  I have tried to ask him to go to CC but he is embarrassed and doesn’t want to.   I woke up at 3:30am thinking about cutting off his hair.  It practically made me cry last night.  I loved his hair so much!!  (It’s one of the reasons I answered his ad to begin with!)  But I knew his dreadd attempt would make him lose his hair eventually.  DAMN.

I’ll have to journal about Robert’s incredible development later.  Things he’s into now (and talks about at 4am): Lizards, Snakes and Frogs!!