End of My Era

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10:06pm

Well. I officially felt something today that let me know that Robert is now more important to me than I am to myself.  I guess that’s when I realized that my "Era" is over and his has just begun.  I guess it sounds a little extreme, but I feel that I’m more for him now, than for myself.  Maybe it’s going to change as he grows and becomes more independent.  But for now, I really feel so … changed.  Like I don’t want my old clothes and I want to be more modest and classy (?!?)  *what the heck?!*  Ah…  I just want to set a good example.  I wonder if Robert will see me as this goody, goody, strict-ish Mother that probably never had any fun in her life.  THAT would be a good one!!  Considering all the fun i DID have and now am ready to slow down and dedicate myself to family.  We shall see what kind of mother I turn out to be.

Had it out with Krissy today.  See, we switch responsibilities in the summer so Dylan has full coverage care by one parent or the other>  So that means he’s with us Monday thru Friday and then he’s supposed to go to her house for Friday and Saturday night.   She never would pick him up on Friday night opting instead to have a night with her boyfriend.   So this time I decided to confront the PLAN for the summer right from the gate.  Anyway, to make a longer story short, we squabbled with eachother and fought and I told her to  pick her two nights with her son and I finally said goodbye and hung up promptly.  afterwards, I felt really sick about the wwhole fight and I finally called her back and appologized.  I told her if she wants to bring Dyaln back over on Sunday nights that"s fine.  She can have her Friday nights too.  But she suprised me by saying no, she would bring Dylan on Monday mornings.  That it made no difference in the gas.  (?)  Anyway, we had a good heart to heart and all is settled and good again.  (and she’d taking him for her two nights / week!!)  Wow.  Could be a good start to the summer.

 Part of the end of my ERa is me realizing that I need to busy myself with PLANNING the weeks dinners and lunches.  I need to spend time doing all those …boring things!!  But now, that I’m a mom, theyr’e not really boring any more.  They are a necessity and being crafty and quick with meals is what I’m all about.  So I’ll have to learn a bunch of quick meals that are healthy and get my pattern down.   Shopping will be easier in a bigger car.   I wonder if I’ll end up being able to get my PT cruiser. 

I love just looking at Robert.  He’s so beautiful and perfectly innocent and pure.  He likes it when I trill my Rs for a long time.  He stops everything and his eyes get big and he listens real hard!!  It’s SO cute!!

He’s been holding his head up steadily for bits of time at my shoulder!!  He is doing a little lifting of his head during tummy time, too.  I watch him and wonder – again – what he’s going to be like.  What his favorite toy will be out of all the toys he got as gifts.  Now he’s just stating to see the toys he’s been given.  He noticed his pretty mobile and loves to stare at it when I make it flap its wings!!  He just stares in wonder.

He’s SO COOL!!  He has a tendency to wake up for his 3-4am feeeding in the best mood and bright eyed and bushy tailed!!  He starts circling his legs and arms and is looking around all big eyed and SO DAMN CUTE!!  I need to catch this way of waking up on video.  His infancy is going to go by so quickly!!

I think i’d better save this entry so I don’t lose it. (literally)  Sleep is sounding good…