What should I write?

Dear diary

I haven’t been back here for a long long time I suppose. A lot of things happened during this period. Exams are nearing so I feeling more stressed lately because those subjects are really tough, I just can’t figure them, and I just feel so frustrated when I am studying. I guess I really don’t like studying, maybe I shouldn’t have taken this path, I am just starting to regret a little now but I still have to buck up no matter what.

Hmmmm……grandma passed away on 28 dec 2007 so unexpectedly (all of the sudden, during dinner she just complained of terrible pain in her stomach, then she was send to the hospital urgently and she just passed away in the middle of the night). Although we know that she’s ill all these while, but I still didn’t expect that she will leave us just like that, it’s seems that life is just so fragile……I didn’t know that time I saw her in great pain, that will be the last time I saw her alive at home, I really didn’t know, if I had known that, I will have looked at her longer. I really thought that she will be able to recover and return home very soon. At that time, I still didn’t know what’s it really gonna be like now, at her funeral I did cry but not as much. But when I recall now, when I think of her sometimes when I am sleeping, it feels so heartbreaking, so heartbreaking, I really didn’t expect much but how I wish, I wish that I can see her alive again, even if I just call her or if she just walk pass me, I really wish to catch a little glimpse of her again……… but I know it’s no longer possible. Although I know she’s in Heaven now, but I think I will not be able to remember her if I ever meet her again in heaven (I believe that we will forget all our memories here when we go to heaven because if we didn’t forget everything here, I think we cannot be totally happy in heaven).

Don’t know what else to write here, though I still didn’t want to end here. Lately I feel that I have grown to like Dong Bang Shin Ki more and more. I will just contribute a picture of my boys here, they are my only comfort in life….