Sick

Dear diary

Been coughing for the past 2 weeks, it’s just so hard to get well from cough plus the bad weather nowadays and sometimes I got caught in a little rain. Today, I am coughing so badly, feels terrible, the medicine doesn’t seems to be effective to me because it’s still the same after I am about to finish the whole bottle of medicine.

Really hard to express my feelings right now, something major happen to my family a few weeks ago. Everything’s feel so upside down now, though it’s better right now then compared to the last few weeks when my grandmother first got baptised. Well, my grandmother used to be a strong buddist who pray to chinese gods, and now after only visiting the church for 2  months, she converted to chirstian and got baptised. My father is very against this and now he’s so angry at my aunt for bringing my grandma to church and allowing her to baptised without discussing it with us first. Because of this, our relationship with my aunt just strained so badly. I must admit though I am not totally against this, I am a little angry with my chirstian aunts because they didn’t consult us, my father is like the eldest brother in their family. Even my closest aunt who live next door never even bother to tell me about this, which makes me so upset. All of a sudden, I feel that they are like strangers. One night, I just thought about all these and cried for so long because I knew things can never be the same, never be the same…………I remembered when I was young, my aunts love me so much, but as I grew older, I feel that we have grown so apart, they don’t really care as much for me now. I don’t think I can forgive them for doing all these, though I really want to forgive them but the hurt is just too deep. I really don’t wish to mix with them anymore, even when I am with them I feel so stranger with them, there’s nothing for us to talk about too. Even the aunt I used to be so close too, I can’t understand her, I think she’s going through alot of stress about her work and taking care of my old aged grandmother, but those things she said to us, I can’t believed she said all those things. In fact I am disappointed with my aunts, I never imagined they will this side. One thing she’s said is really true, "don’t think about the past, think about now and the future", very realistic words, I think I am going to do that too, I am going to forget the past, I am going to forget those happy moments I have with her, I am going to forget them like she did.

falling snow