It’s going to be a month

Dear diary

It’s going to be a month since I have started my work at the national library. I can’t believe time really passes by so fast. At first, I was pretty bored for the first week because they didn’t really give me much work to do. Hmmm….things are getting better nowadays, at least I have more work to do and the day passes faster. I think this is still quite a nice place to work afterall and I am glad that God really give me such a nice opportunity. I think I have regain part of my confidence somehow and I am sure by the time this assignment really ended, I will have enough courage to start my search for a new full time job, something that I will enjoy. I am glad that I manage to get on fairly well with my colleague/ "boss", at first I wasn’t too sure. It’s still hard to reveal their "true face" or rather I am just too sensitive, or rather I am just so lack of confidence, that I always doubt myself, I always doubt others’ concern for me, because it’s just so hard to trust in someone, I really don’t know, but I am trying……I am just too scared that all those care I received are fake….maybe I really think too much sometimes…….I think I am starting to miss this place but this is just a temporary stop for me, how I hope this is actually the real place for me to stop but I know all these seem like a dream, one day, very soon I will have to wake up. Is "Belinda" the one that God send to me, is she the one I am praying for, sometimes I really feel that she is, but I am sorry I still doubt it at times.

Don’t know how I will fare for my exams…….hmmmm seems that I didn’t do really well, I am so depressed somehow, I have really tried my best, but it’s still not enough, somehow I still didn’t work hard enough, it’s just so hard. I just hope God will let me get through all these, and let me move on to the vast work life, I am really so tired……..

Really want to "run away", I just don’t want to know the truth, I just don’t want to find out the truth………..

falling snow