Expressed from the bottom of my heart

I am just going to post something I have just wrote to someone else, sort of something expressed from the bottom of my heart (I just wish to keep this as a memory here so that someday I can remember how I actually feel towards this friendship that ended a few years ago).

"I experience something similar like yours and in the end, I also wrote a truthful letter to her saying I wish to end our friendship there, how upset I was that our friendship grew apart without any reasons, I told her that I began to doubt our friendship, and whether I really understand/know her (all along, I thought we are the best of friends and that we understand each other), I am upset or in fact angry at the fact that our friendship is so "fragile", and those things she promised that she will do with me (like ice skating together, visiting the beach, going to Japan together, going swimming together, and introducing our husband/boyfriend to each other when we are attached), we did none of that, she seems to have forgotten those promises or perhaps I took them too seriously, or even all those turn into "lies" as time passed by, I seriously believe all those things she said, that’s why I was so hurt when realized all those are just lies, maybe she didn’t meant it, but she hurt me (someone who really treasure our friendship, someone who really care for her). I was really reluctant to "let her go".

There was many times when she "forgotten" me because of her new friends, and I should have let her go at that moment but I just waited, hoping we could be the best of friends again, each time she will return to be my friend when she fall out with her other friend, each time I am so happy when she return to be my friend (but after a while, this process seems to be repeating). Each time she return I will be so happy, and the next moment I will be disappointed again. So after all these, finally I just get so frustrated and tired and I wrote that letter and mailed to her (actually in my heart, I still hope that she will reply me but she didn’t), from then on, we totally cut off our contact, somehow we didn’t meet anywhere by coincidence (I guess our fate/friendship really ends there), sometimes I regret a little for writing that letter, because if I didn’t, I may still be able to find some little excuse to talk to her (I may be a total fool here). It’s really a difficult time to forget a friend , trust me, you will be going to a hard time (because I have gone through all that), but persevere."

Afternote: It’s been so many years and sometimes I will still thought of her, maybe I see our friendship as too important, or maybe I over rely on her, at that time I really thought we can be friends forever just like how we wished it to be but all those are just dreams……………….

falling snow