Disappointing

Dear diary

Yesterday was the most saddest, most disappointing day in my life. My results was revealed finally and I failed one of my subject Corporate finance. I sort of expected it (that I will fail something) because I knew I did badly for my exams. The 2 long months that passed by while I was waiting for my results was the most difficult period because I was so depressed and worried for my POA paper but it turns out that I failed CF instead. I already try to keep myself prepared for the worst all these while but when I saw my results, I am still upset. Maybe it still not as bad as compared to others, but I am still very disappointed with myself, I can’t understand why I made such a big mistake, and the worst thing is I can’t even turn back time.

I really don’t how to survive this world. I am very scared of the cruelty of this world, I am very scared I can’t never succeed in my life no matter how I hard I try. Please Please Please, Jesus, Please Please Please, God, I really hope this is the last time I will cry so badly, please let this be the final time I will cry so badly. I hate myself so much, I really hate myself so much, the person with so little confidence, the person who can’t do well in studies, the person who can’t do well in career, the person who isn’t good in anything. I have given up so much, I only want to graduate with my degree and find a good job but why it’s so difficult? Why am I such a failure? Why am I so useless? Why do I only realised now that my life is in such a mess, that I can’t even sort out? I am going so crazy, so crazy, so crazy.

falling snow