.x. Flattery

The problem is, your whole life you’ll see motivation posters and advice and read books and have people tell you that you should be yourself. Not to worry what anyone else thinks of you. Be who you are without apology. The problem here is, when you actually are that person. When you accept yourself for all your faults, odd personality traits and weird interests everyone else is intimidated and terrified of you. You don’t fit into their box and it downright scares them. Even if they won’t admit it to themselves.

I won’t apologise for who I am. For the fact that my neutral expression makes people think that I’m angry when I’m not. I’m tired of making an effort to fit into that box or make people feel comfortable. Why should I have to make myself uncomfortable to make other people comfortable?

People are constantly telling you to be yourself but in the same breath are always pointing out your flaws and insinuating you should change. And I’m not interested in changing.

There are always going to be people who don’t like you. I may have more than others. I tend to have a type of personality that marginalizes people. You either love me or hate me and I’m okay with that. I don’t want to waste time with people who can’t be bothered with me. But nothing infuriates me more than being told that I’m aggressive and unapproachable when the people accusing me of being these things have never actually seen me aggressive.

I can’t be responsible for people’s perceptions of me.

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March 17, 2013

i can relate to this entry…..

March 17, 2013

I always get told I’m like this and I find it unfair really

sounds WAY too familiar. being self didn’t work. so then for a bit i tried to fit in. then i felt even worse, even more alien, even more lost. then awkwardly back to being myself, and making people uncomfortable. the queen of awkward. hurrah.