Karma

Baby Phoenix sleeps on my chest, so I’m tied down to the bed once again, while he eats and sleeps in cycles. Today we took our first trip out into CONSUMERLAND. We decided to go to the store to buy breakfat things. However, it took us ALL DAY to get out the door. So we ended up eating tacos from a taco house. By the time we got to the grocery part – I was so exhausted my legs were shaking, but there was no place to sit where I wouldn’t feel freaked out by the threat of GERMS….what can I do? So much propaganda on the threat of deadly contagious diseases, and the need to protect your child from them!
Sigh.
I had another cry today, after another silenced conversation. This time, I tried hard to stifle my tears. I’ve never, ever been in this place before. Never, ever been in this kind of long term relationship before. And the funny or horrible thing is -somewhere deep inside I must admit that really and truly: I deserve it. Oh yeah, this Karma has been a long time coming.

Ha! A couple months ago, I was the pregnant woman in this (real) scene:

The pregnant woman turns back around, with her small bag of mcdonald’s happy meal in her hands, to the boy who kept making snide remarks loud enough for her to hear, but not direct enough for her to confront without looking craZy. “Are you looking to start trouble with a pregnant woman? You better watch out,” she shouts to the gay teen with the bad attitude (and hair dye). “Ooooh I’m so scared,” he replies “It’s called KARMA” she shouts, turning back around and leaving the stunned mcdonald’s staff wondering what just happened. The teen continues to mouth off to her, until the pregnant woman reaches the door, throws up her middle finger, “fuck you!” she shouts while exiting the surreal moment with a bang of the door.
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Maybe I cursed mySELF that day. calling down the law which I would now be judged by. I might’ve been better off choosing mercy, forgiveness, compassion. Tenderness.
I sure as heck could use some of that now.