Drifter

I’m so stupid. I asked his family, “Have some audios of JB playing two separate skibidi songs, do you want them? To be clear, they are toilet songs. He said he had a gift for them.”

Why did I do it? I feel so stupid. I haven’t handled any of this properly, and it’s just…

I realized that I was different from them when one of the family members said, “I’m not ready to hear it, but if you want to send it, it will make them easier to find when I am.” Of course you’re not ready, he just passed. Why would you want to hear his voice, to be reminded that he is not there?

Me? I’ve been dealing with the loss of him for years. Calming myself down, making myself as small as possible so that I won’t feel the loss. Of course I am at a different place, they’ve had him all this time… I’ve been drifting, still drifting, always drifting. I’ve never been able to say the secrets the dead leave me.