This one goes out to…

Although it may not seem like it from this diary, I’m actually quite a shy, introverted, private person. The reason that all my entries (apart from the occasional comp) is public with all notes is that if I’m brave enough to post it online, I’m brave enough to let anyone read and comment on it.

Maybe I’m not normal. In fact, I’m very probably not normal. But when I’m depressed, I don’t like listening to upbeat stuff. I like to mainline this:

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more –aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

You may not think that this entry serves a lot of purpose. That it’s the insane ramblings of an idiot. But it’s good for me. For my soul. And to someone who will definately not be reading this, what can I say? Happy birthday(ish). I’m more sorry than there are words for, in any language, in this world.

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