Fun with fundies!
All these taken from here. (My comments in itallics.)
I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don’t think he’s ready to date yet. What’s worse is that he’s sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!
Linda, Good news prayer room [Comments (2902)] [2006-Oct-28]
I think that someone needs to learn that denial is not just a river in Egypt!
I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie
JohnR7, Christian forums [Comments (246)] [2006-Nov-04]
So which of those isn’t a word?
If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol
Gods soldier, Myspace [Comments (194)] [2006-Feb-03]
That is quite scary reasoning. And not just cos it makes me a multiple bigamist.
[Am I in discussion with a human who has a functioning brain?]
What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?
LittleLambofJesus, Christian Forums [Comments (133)] [2006-Oct-16]
Submitted by scotty
Yeah. This is going to be my new MSN screen name. really not much to add
What is called ‘Science’ today and ‘scientists’ consist of the same old gang of witch doctors, sorcerers, tellers of tales, the ‘Priest-Entertainers’ for the common people. ‘Science’ consists of a weird, way-out occult concoction of jibberish theory-theology… nothing good has ever come from ‘science’ — In fact, technology is not in any way related to the web of idiotic scientific theory. ALL inventors have been anti-science. The Wright brothers said: “Science theory held us up for years. When we threw out all science, started from experiment and experience, then we invented the airplane.” By the way, airplanes all fly level on this Plane earth!
The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)… but for a second can you imagine what these so-called ‘scientists would have us believe — If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH – A DREAM – A DELUSION – and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!
Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are ‘tiny.’ Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world… this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE… a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning “herd”… prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the “modern” superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: “It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories.” Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?
KettleWhistle, Israel Forum [Comments (168)] [2007-Mar-02]
I think I’ll let Lionel answer this one:
“Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic.”
cdevidal, CARM [Comments (73)] [2007-Apr-01]
Submitted by Elizabeth
Cos who really needs that pesky earth logic thing anyway?
To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible.
Ia Orana, MSN Miss Manners [Comments (84)] [2008-Jan-01]
Which was written by men and may contain inconsistancies which contradicts the words of the Bible which…
If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.
uscchica09, BibleForums.org [Comments (54)] [2006-Sep-03]
Thanks for the offer, but my logic is sound. Unless you’re following cdevidal’s advice.
Jesus is not a Jew. Jesus was Jewish.
awesomelegend, gaiaonline.com [Comments (98)] [2006-Nov-18]
[When asked to prove the existence of a soul, in order to validate his claim that life begins at conception]
I don’t have to “prove” anything.
You see, I have this wonderful thing called “faith” and with that I have no need of proof.
It’s me, Free Republic [Comments (65)] [2006-Sep-04]
You don’t say?
There is not a single passage or concept in the Bible that would be offensive to any human on the planet.
Gary In Indianapolis, The Indianapolis Star Forums [Comments (91)] [2006-Oct-18]
Time for repeat pic.
[in a discussion on whether the speed of light is constant (fundies like to say it isn’t)]
Constants seldom are … pi changes depending upon the strength of the gravitational field involved.
MHGinTN, Free Republic [Comments (93)] [2007-Jan-03]
Submitted by Sinister Minister
Does it? And you, of course, have proof of this?
so you think if no one believed in any religion there would be no wars or fighting? i think it would be worse. i know if i didn’t fear god’s judgement i would have killed many many times.
cajunXLVII, GameFAQs [Comments (68)] [2006-Sep-06]
Normally I don’t agree with pre-emptive arrest but…
I am 100% pro-life, unless we’re talking about capital punishment, in which case I am 100% pro-death.
B®ent, Christian Forums [Comments (67)] [2007-Mar-01]
Submitted by Beckling
Hence one of my biggest issues with fundies.
Just imagine vast fields of our sisters in Christ — sisters brain damaged and comatosed, never to mentally return to this Earth full of sin — inserted into pods that are themselves connected to a myriad of wires and hydraulic tubes (I know, it sounds exactly like the Matrix, and I freely admit, although it’s certainly a very evil movie, some of the imagery is inspiring and inspired this post). The pods will be the most comfortable places on Earth, playing soothing music like Bible hymns and Mozart, their insides like a massage chair and covered in silk. A few intruding wires and tubes will, of course, have to connect to the women inside the pods to monitor their temperature and overall health, as well as the babies’ of those that are pregnant. And of course there will be one tube reserved for the insertion of a man’s seed whenever the women are at their most fertile. And only the best semen will be used. I haven’t quite settled on a selection process yet, but I’m thinking some sort of Christian council could perhaps vote on the man who is honorable and moral enough to breed generations of these children. Perhaps one man won’t be enough, for a little bit of diversity is always good. We should, therefore, most likely have a multitude of different men, one of each race. When the children are born, they can be sent off to special adoption centers, where they can be delivered to good Christian parents who are unable to themselves breed. Those that may be left over can be raised in God, brought up in Christian schools, where prayers are said thrice daily (at least), and in the summer, they can be sent to Jesus camp. If the schools are as good as I envision, then these children will make the perfect leaders for our future. But not just leaders, for if this idea is near as good as I am thinking, we will breed enough of these children to one day make up a huge percentage of our population, such that they can elect only the most Christian of people to the government. So even those that are not the brightest and best can contribute to God in some way.
Nathaniel, Jesus Loves Everything [Comments (139)] [2007-Sep-13]
Someone get this person in touch with a big studio. That’s more imaginative than most films today!
Masturbation can sometimes be wrong and it can sometimes not. If you masturbate thinking about how pretty the flowers are and how you want a puppy, essentially that’s not wrong. But most times, that is not the case. I believe that when one masturbates a high percentage of the time they are fantasizing about a sexual partner therefore making masturbation lust. Lust, as the Bible states, is a sin. But masturbation is something that people in general should stay away from because it’s hard not to lust whilst doing it.
Ben Jamin A Foote (Lansing / East Lansing, MI), Facebook [Comments (98)] [2008-Jan-16]
Yeah, but masturbating while thinking of flowers or puppies is just, well, ever so slightly fucking creepy. Just the mere thought of it makes me need this:
And I’m not going to snark about this last one as it’s absolutely fucking tragic:
Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.
Bobby said he’d been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of “I knew you wouldnt understand! You’re just like everyone else!” before running to his room and slamming the door.
What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I’ve dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he’s the one who’s feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its ‘ok’ to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.
Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son
[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]
Betty, Unidiversal [Comments (436)] [2006-Dec-10]
Will
Get great free widgets at Widgetbox!
Just a random noter passing by to say hi 🙂 I used to say that about denial in Egypt all the time!! ♥
Warning Comment
Just a random noter passing by to say hi 🙂 I used to say that about denial in Egypt all the time!! ♥
Warning Comment
” i know if i didn’t fear god’s judgement i would have killed many many times.” i laughed out loud. and then i feared for my life.
Warning Comment
” i know if i didn’t fear god’s judgement i would have killed many many times.” i laughed out loud. and then i feared for my life.
Warning Comment
Wow. Thank you, brave adventurer Will, for foraying through the cyberwilderness of the insane and brainwashed in order to report back to us, your readers. My mind is reeling. At least I have a mind that CAN reel… Whew. “pi changes depending upon the strength of the gravitational field involved” — hoo hoo hoo! Side-splitting!
Warning Comment
Wow. Thank you, brave adventurer Will, for foraying through the cyberwilderness of the insane and brainwashed in order to report back to us, your readers. My mind is reeling. At least I have a mind that CAN reel… Whew. “pi changes depending upon the strength of the gravitational field involved” — hoo hoo hoo! Side-splitting!
Warning Comment
Are you a regular poster there? I use the name “Detrs.” Also, notice that “evolution is a lie” is actually four words.
Warning Comment
Are you a regular poster there? I use the name “Detrs.” Also, notice that “evolution is a lie” is actually four words.
Warning Comment
Ahh I must have the good kind of masturbation going on because it invariably involves spilling my seed over two lovely pert puppies.
Warning Comment
Ahh I must have the good kind of masturbation going on because it invariably involves spilling my seed over two lovely pert puppies.
Warning Comment
haha… this is quality.
Warning Comment
haha… this is quality.
Warning Comment
That last one made me super angry. Some of those others were absolutely priceless though. lol xo
Warning Comment
That last one made me super angry. Some of those others were absolutely priceless though. lol xo
Warning Comment
flowers and puppies all the time with me! (I should put in a winky emoticon and ‘LOL’ there, I think) how’s it going Will? My ODing has been way too slapdash lately (like the last 2 years!) so a belated returned Happy Birthday raised glass to you. You, me and Dolly Parton, eh. What a foursome!
Warning Comment
flowers and puppies all the time with me! (I should put in a winky emoticon and ‘LOL’ there, I think) how’s it going Will? My ODing has been way too slapdash lately (like the last 2 years!) so a belated returned Happy Birthday raised glass to you. You, me and Dolly Parton, eh. What a foursome!
Warning Comment
Hey, I’m from East Lansing, MI! But I don’t know the puppy masturbator.
Warning Comment
Hey, I’m from East Lansing, MI! But I don’t know the puppy masturbator.
Warning Comment
ryn: I finally looked into it: while they did film some bits in Scotland — I’d imagine pickup shots of crumbling castles and lochs and such — a majority of it was done in Wellington, NZ. Oh well.
Warning Comment
ryn: I finally looked into it: while they did film some bits in Scotland — I’d imagine pickup shots of crumbling castles and lochs and such — a majority of it was done in Wellington, NZ. Oh well.
Warning Comment
i dont know how you expect me to have read the goodbye torchwood entry when you clearly list that there are life on mars spoilers and i have only seen the first half of the first episode of the second season. 🙁 I WANT TO SEE MY LIFE ON FOOKIN MARS!
Warning Comment
i dont know how you expect me to have read the goodbye torchwood entry when you clearly list that there are life on mars spoilers and i have only seen the first half of the first episode of the second season. 🙁 I WANT TO SEE MY LIFE ON FOOKIN MARS!
Warning Comment