Ananova fun

Was going to write a proper entry, but I don’t have time before Hot Fuzz starts (I’m getting to see it free!) so some ananova quirkies instead.

Poland bans ‘gay’ Telletubbies

The Telletubbies are set to be banned in Poland after a government media watchdog decided they encouraged homosexuality.

The children’s Tv programme has fallen foul of Poland’s government-appointed Children’s Rights spokesman, who believes the show is “gay propaganda”.

A special committee has been appointed to examine the claims including allegations that Tinky Winky’s handbag was breaking down gender barriers and encouraging homosexuality.

Car clamper faces ASBO

A car clamper accused of intimidating motorists is set to be the first in Britain to get an ASBO.

Hundreds of drivers have complained over several years about the methods used by the Carstoppers clamping firm at the beauty spot of Haworth, West Yorkshire.

The firm once immobilised a car while the driver was asleep inside and clamped a minibus taking special needs pupils on a country ride, reports the Daily Mail.

Carstoppers once won the Dick Turpin award for being the country’s worst clampers.

Now one of the company’s employees George McDicken, 38, is facing an interim ASBO order.

He is accused of “intimidating and aggressive” behaviour by the authorities seeking the order.

The move follows hundreds of complaints to police and Bradford Council about Carstoppers. Traders in Haworth have long complained that over-zealous clamping is affecting the Bronte village’s tourist trade.

A Bradford Council spokesman said: “The ASBO application has been brought following numerous complaints to the police and ourselves over a long period of time.

“The case is not actually against clamping, which is legal, it is the behaviour that goes with it.”

Bondage couple lose key

A German couple had to call out the fire brigade after tying each other up in chains – and then losing the key to the padlock.

Jochen Ranstett, 56 and his wife Maria, from the town of Weiden, dressed up in leathers and chained each other to their beds, but lost the key during the romp.

After hours of trying to free themselves they finally gave up and called for help on Jochen’s mobile phone.

He said: “It was so embarrassing. We just wanted to try something a bit different and we ended up with this.

“I even had to be taken to hospital because my wrists had swollen so much from trying to get out of the handcuffs.”

Man sleeps through gunshot to head

A West Virginia man slept through being shot in the head as he lay in bed after a big night out.

Michael Lusher, 37, of Altizer, was sleeping in his mobile home when a gunman fired five bullets into the trailer.

One of them struck Mr Lusher in the head. But he didn’t notice until he woke up four hours later and spotted blood, reports the Huntington Herald Dispatch.

The bullet had slowed down as it passed through two walls before hitting Mr Lusher who had only just returned home from a night out.

Cpl. R H McQuaid, of the local Sheriff’s Department, said: “It was a small-calibre handgun, so it lost a lot of velocity as it traveled through the walls of the trailer

“We’re just glad he didn’t suffer any life-threatening injuries with a head wound. He is being kept under medical observation to make sure there is no swelling of the brain.”

“Once he is able to give us a good interview, we hope to have a strong case. Already several persons of interest have developed.”

Gay flamingos adopt chick

Two gay flamingos have become proud foster parents after taking an abandoned chick under their wings.

Pink pair Carlos and Fernando were so desperate to have a family they started stealing eggs at the Wildfowl & Wetlands Trust, Slimbridge, Gloucestershire.

When one of the Greater Flamingo nests was abandoned, they were considered the number one choice to “adopt” the chick.

The unhatched egg was whisked off to an incubator where it was warmed up and monitored, reports Sky News.

After the chick was born, it was carefully placed in an old eggshell, which was taped up and returned to the gay couple’s empty nest.

The pair were soon seen ‘talking’ to the chick inside the egg and a little while later it hatched for a second time – to be greeted by its foster parents.

WWT spokeswoman Jane Waghorn said: “Fernando and Carlos are a same sex couple who have been known to steal other Flamingos’ eggs by chasing them off their nest because they wanted to rear them themselves.

“They were rather good at sitting on eggs and hatching them so last week, when a nest was abandoned, it seemed like a good idea to make them surrogate parents.”

Carlos and Fernando, who have been together for about six years, can feed their chick without any female help – by producing milk in their throat.

Hired and fired in ten minutes

Ex-soccer star Leroy Rosenior was appointed boss of a struggling club – then sacked after ten minutes.

The former West Ham and Fulham striker broke the record for English football’s shortest managerial reign after being introduced with a fanfare by Torquay United, reports The Sun.

Sports journalists were summoned to a press conference which finished at 3.30pm. Then – at 3.40pm – Leroy was told by the chairman that the Devon club had been sold to a business consortium. And that meant he was out.

Leroy, 43 said: “For it to happen ten minutes after I finished the press conference was a bit of a shock. But we had a good laugh about it afterwards.”

Leroy smashed the previous record for the shortest time as manager – Dave Bassett’s 72 hours at Crystal Palace in 1984.

He joked: “Obviously they thought I had done a fantastic job after ten minutes and let me go.”

The post was Leroy’s second stint at Torquay, who will face next season in the Conference after finishing bottom of the Football League. He was boss between 2002 and 2006 when he left by mutual consent.

Since then the club has been in a managerial crisis, with four different bosses in the hot seat.

Leroy added: “I wish them the very best of luck. They are going to sort me out a bit of compensation.”

Iraq hero puts medal on eBay

A hard-up soldier faces a court martial for trying to sell his top bravery medal on eBay.

Cpl Trevor Coult, who got a Military Cross for heroism in Iraq, said he needed the cash to support himself when he quits the Army.

But under Forces regulations, it is strictly forbidden for serving soldiers to sell medals, reports The Sun.

Top brass were furious as the Military Cross is so prestigious – with only the Victoria Cross and George Cross regarded as higher gallantry awards.

Trevor, 31, won the Cross for single-handedly defeating a suicide bomber’s ambush in Baghdad in 2005. He put four other gongs on the auction website and wanted £80,000 for the lot.

Trevor, serving in the 1st Battalion the Royal Irish Regiment, wrote: “I’m leaving the Army and need the money, otherwise wouldn’t want to sell.”

He told his furious CO he placed the ad only to see what price they could fetch. It has now been withdrawn from eBay.

The MoD said: “Action will be taken where necessary.”

As a junior NCO, single Trevor, of Belfast, earns £23,000 a year.

Tory MP and former Army officer Patrick Mercer said: “If the Government paid soldiers properly, his hand may not have been forced in this way.”

Drunk crashes car without realising

A drunk Austrian motorist woke up at a petrol station to find himself surrounded by police after smashing into a crash barrier on a motorway without realising.

The 36-year-old ploughed into the crash barrier at the side of the motorway as he drove from the German city Rosenheim to the Austrian capital Vienna.

But the car bounced off the barrier and Thom carried on driving to a nearby petrol station where he pulled over and went to sleep.

He was woken up by police who had been called out by other motorists who saw the man crash. He was given a breathalyser test and was found to be almost three times over the legal drink-drive limit.

A police spokesman said: “He was so drunk he did not even realise that he had crashed. He was very surprised when he saw the state of his car.”

Vacuum screamer

A US mother-of-three has invented a sex toy that connects to a vacuum cleaner to give an orgasm in just ten seconds.

The gadget, called Vortex Vibrations, works by concentrating the air flow to create a rapid and gentle vibration, reports the Sun.

Inventor Joanne Drysdale claims it can give multiple, back-to-back orgasms lasting up to a minute a time – and it does not even touch the skin.

The 49-year-old former toolmaker was cleaning her carpets when she came up with the idea for Vortex, which sells for £35 through lovehoney.co.uk.

She saw how a piece of rubber that had got caught in the nozzle was gently resonating in the air flow. She also felt a soft stimulation to her fingertips as she tried to remove the rubber.

At the time Joanne, from Utah, had not had sex for 15 years following her divorce.

She said: “In my attempts to alleviate frustration, I began to think what I could do. I noticed how the rubber moved in the top of the vacuum.

“After several hours, I came up with the prototype. The first time I tried it I reached an orgasm within 10 seconds.

“That was when I knew I was on to something that could potentially bring pleasure to all women.”

Illinois baby obtains gun permit

A 10-months-old boy has successfully obtained a gun licence in the US state of Illinois.

Bubba Ludwig’s father, Howard, applied on his behalf after his grandfather gave him a shotgun as an heirloom.

Mr Ludwig said he had not expected to succeed, but he filled in the online form, paid $5 and the licence was his.

The licence includes a picture of a toothless Bubba and a squiggle that represents his best attempt at a signature.

Illinois gun laws are said to be among the strictest in the US. But Illinois State Police, who oversee the application process, said that they had followed the law in this case.

Mr Ludwig said Bubba’s gun would likely remain at his grandfather’s house until he was 14.

“I’m not about to approve any unsupervised hunting or trap shooting for Bubba,” he said. “Still, I’m glad he was able to get his FOID card. It makes an adorable addition to his baby book.”

Passengers pushed to limit

Hundreds of passengers on a train in India were asked by the driver to get out and push.

The train, in the state of Bihar in eastern India, came to a halt when a passenger pulled the emergency cord, reports Metro.

But it stopped in a ‘neutral zone’ – a small section of the track in which there’s no electrical current in the overhead wires.

The passengers were forced to get off the train and it took them half-an-hour to push it the remaining 12 feet into the powered stretch of the line.

A spokesman for Indian Railways commented: “In so many years of service in the railways, I have never come across such a bizarre incident.”

World’s most embarrassing shark attack

A Folkestone fisherman has told how the world’s most embarrassing shark attack left him with a nasty bite on his nose.

Tackle-shop owner Phil Tanner was attacked by a lesser-spotted dogfish after he reeled it in off the local pier.

He fought for five minutes to wrench the thrashing creature, a member of the shark family, off his nose, reports the Sun

Phil, 38, was left with a bloody gash and rows of tiny teethmarks round his nostrils after trying to show off his catch to pal Scott Allen.

He said: “I called out, ‘Hey mate, look at this whopper’. But somehow Scott nudged my arm and the fish catapulted itself up to my nose with its jaws wide open.

“It clamped around my nostrils and wouldn’t let go. It was agony and I was screaming. The fish didn’t just hang on, either. I could feel it chomping its teeth as if it wanted me for its last meal.

“Everyone on the pier was watching me jumping up and down with a shark hanging off my nose. People were singing the Jaws theme tune – I’ve never felt so embarrassed.”

Phil finally pulled the fish away and tended to his wound.

He added: “I probably did need stitches but I couldn’t go to the hospital because I didn’t want the doctors to laugh at me too. My mates take the mickey, but I am a shark attack victim. I could have lost my nose.”

Oh, and just to warn you, I’ll be answering your questions on Thursday. So, that’s the deadline if you want to ask any/ask any more.

Will