Alternathon short story 2: Six Conversations

Dovecot Street, Stockton on Tees
19:05 hours

‘Scuse me mate, got a spare fag?’

‘Sorry mate, don’t smoke.’

‘Fucking liar. You’ve got a lit fag in your hand you doyle.’

‘Sorry. Meant to say that this is my last one.’

‘Stop fucking lying to me.’

‘No seriously, this is my last one. Ever hopefully, after this I’m quitting.’

‘Seeing as you won’t stop lying, I’m going to need all your fags and your fucking money.’

`Really can’t see that happening’

‘Fucking hand it over’

Passenger seat, Ford Mondeo
19:30 hours

‘Cheers for this’

‘Not a problem. I wasn’t going to see you walking home like that. I’ll take you to the hospital.’

‘You don’t need to’

‘No problem. I pass it on my way home. You’ll have to do everything else yourself though.’

‘I think I can cope with that.’

‘So what happened?’

‘Someone wanted all my money and my cigarettes. Strangely, I was averse to that happening.’

‘Ahh. So, what did he take?’

‘Just the money and the fags. Hence why I didn’t call a cab.’

‘Used to be a cab driver myself. Not sure if they’d have taken you.’

‘Yeah. Sorry for the blood on your seat by the way.’

‘Hey, I’ve got two young boys. Not the first time, won’t be the last.’

‘Cool. Just need to check something. Good, it’s still working.’

‘Hang on, he didn’t take that?’

‘Nope. Don’t suppose you smoke?’

‘Sorry, gave up years ago. Right, here we are.’

Accident and Emergency Department, James Cook University Hospital, Middlesbrough
20:00 hours

‘Mister Danielson, is it?’

‘That’s me. Would flash you a toothy grin right now but it’s more than a bit painful.’

‘That’s quite alright. I’m Doctor Larsson. You do look a bit of a mess. What happened?

‘You know they say that smoking is bad for your health? Well, I’m kind of a walking billboard for that right about now.’

‘Refused to give someone a cigarette, did you? Open wide; I want to check inside your mouth.’

‘Aha, as wa aen.’

‘Well, no damage there as far as I can see. Your nose may be broken though. I’ll send you for x rays, just in case. Anywhere else it hurts?’

‘Down my right side.’

‘Lift up your shirt? You may have a bit of bruising there for the next few days. To go with your beautiful black eye.’

‘Wonder if it’ll last longer than when I got my eyebrow pierced?’

‘Sorry, I’m a doctor not a psychic. Take this and follow the arrows to x ray. I’ll see you back here after.’

Accident and Emergency Department, James Cook University Hospital, Middlesbrough
20:30 hours

‘Mr Danielson?’

‘And who might you be?’

‘I’m PC Macbeth. Doctor Larsson called me.’

‘Don’t suppose your first name is Hamish is it?’

‘Why is it only the Scots who ever ask me that?’

‘Cos we’re damn proud of that show. You want me to tell you what happened tonight?’

‘Just in your own words.’

‘I was leaving the Arc in Stockton just after 7.’

‘Anything good?’

‘Charlie Kaufmann double bill. Adaptation and Synecdoche, New York. Anyway, I had just left, and lit up a cigarette, when a man came up to me and asked if I had any spare cigarettes.’

‘Can you tell me what he looked like?’

‘Slightly taller than me, close cropped black hair, white tracksuit with the legs tucked into a pair of white trainers.’

‘Go on.’

‘Well, I gave him one of my usual two responses to someone asking me that on the street. Forgetting that I had just lit up, I told him I didn’t have any. He asked me to hand over all my cash and my cigarettes and I refused.’

‘What did he take?’

‘A half full 20 deck of Lambert and Butler, my green disposable lighter, my wallet, about 2:70 in change and, for some reason, my folding hairbrush.’

‘Anything else at all?’

‘Nope, that seems to be the lot.

‘What was in the wallet?’

‘Let’s see. 25 in cash, my old student cards, my union lifetime membership, couple of condoms, my bank card, my blood donor card, my organ donor card, my mobile top up card and some cinema tickets.’

‘You write down you pin at all?’

‘Nope. I’m not that stupid. Hello again doctor.’

‘Hello Mr Danielson. Sorry officer, I can wait if you need me to.’

‘Come right in, it’s fine.’

OK. I’ve had a look at the x ray and nothing seems to be broken, so you can leave. Don’t do anything too strenuous tonight and if you do get too much pain just take some ibuprofen.’

‘How are you getting home Mister Danielson?’

‘Probably walk.’

‘Come on, I’ll give you a lift.’

‘Cheers. Hopefully, I won’t see you soon doc.’

‘Hopefully not.’

‘Don’t suppose you smoke, do you?’

‘Sorry, no such luck. Where you headed?’

Terrace Bar, Teesside University Students Union, Middlesbrough
21:00 hours

‘Fucking hell mate, you look a right state.’

‘Yeah, even more so than usual.’

‘Oh, cheers.’

‘What the fuck happened?’

‘Someone wanted all my money and my smokes. Then I ran into his fist. And feet.’

‘So we can see. Bit surprised to get the text from you now I’ve seen that.’

‘Guy was a bit of a stupid twat to be honest. Took my money and my smokes but ignored my phone and laptop.’

‘Well, one thing I’ve learnt in my time in Boro, the people that do these things are a bit thick. Seems to be the done thing.’

‘I would be offended by that, but it’s true. So, no money? What do you want to drink?’

‘Pint.’

‘Hang on, should he be drinking?’

‘What would you do in this situation?’

‘Besides, the doctor told me to take painkillers. Can’t think of a better one.’

‘So, a pint and a double vodka and coke.’

‘Just the pint please.’

‘I think this calls for a spirit. They don’t serve whisky so a pint and the vodka it is. Back in a sec.’

‘Here you go. Think you could do with this as well.’

‘Cheers. I’ll just nip outside, smoke this and take this call.’

The terrace, Terrace Bar, Teesside University Students Union, Middlesbrough
21:05 hours

‘Hey mum, how’s you? Me? I’m fine. Oh, that. How did you know? That’s right, forgot they had you as my next of kin. Minor disagreement about who my cigarettes belonged to. Mum, you don’t need to come down here. Seriously, I’m fine. No need to worry.’

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