Financial troubles.

It’s almost time for tuition to be paid.  Any other year, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to me – I’d get what little financial aid I was offered, take out ANOTHER loan to cover the rest, and be done with it.

But here I am, about to start my fourth year of five, and I’ve already got over $17,000 in loans out.  If I can slow that down at all, I will.  After my financial aid this semester, I only have about $665 to pay.  However, my savings account only has about $800 to spare in it, since this month is also a double rent month.

Plus, now that the Purple Bubble has gotten on in miles, a lot of things need to be fixed.  I need new struts, which are dangerous to drive on when in this condition, I need a new battery, and I need my fluids flushed.  The latter two aren’t too bad, but the first one is going to be expensive as hell, and – of course – is the most pressing.  That too will probably cost me about $600.

I was with Nathan and his family for the weekend in Minnesota (possibly an actual entry related to that to come), and the first hour of the drive back was spent listening to Nathan and his dad discussing how the bill and "room and board" would be split up between them.  It was kinda hard for me to listen to, because I know that even if my parents were willing to help with tuition, they can’t right now.

I’ve been given entirely too much shit over the years about how much money my family has.  The fact of the matter is, between Natalie constantly asking for and needing money for her budding family and Jason and Hilary living there and kinda mooching off of them, my parents are SINKING.  They’ve been living paycheck to paycheck for about a year now, and they’ve got nothing to spare for themselves, let alone me all the way in Point.

I feel awful for my parents, but I’m freaking out too.  I emailed them this morning and told them everything that was going on and begged for advice – should I just take out another loan, or is there another way?  My mom responded apologizing but saying there was nothing she could do, they have no money to spare, they put groceries on the credit card, they’re sinking, there’s no money to spare.  I emailed her back and said I didn’t want her money, I wanted advice, and when she replied she admitted she didn’t even READ my email the first time – she assumed I was asking for money, and it didn’t matter what I needed, she couldn’t help me.

I hate that she felt that way.  I know how hard it is for them right now, I would NOT ask for money that I know they don’t even have.  I just had no idea who to go to, because I hate being in this situation right now.  She mentioned in the email that my step-grandmother mentioned that she had money for me for the semester, and maybe I should call her.

Normally, I wouldn’t have bothered, but I need to know now-ish if I have to take out another loan or not.  The fact of the matter is, if I don’t suddenly acquire $600+, I WILL have to.  I can’t see my grandparents giving me that kind of money, so maybe I should just do it now and get it overwith….

but GOD I don’t want to.