Jump the Gun

I trust too fast. I think I know people too fast. I trust too fast.

I talked with his best friend. Who isn’t the piss faced meany I thought he was. He gave me some advise. The kind that you don’t take lightly. He told me a few things about his friend. That he’s clingy and needy. Good combo. But I didn’t order that. That he isn’t goal oriented in any sense. He’s lazy and. And all around not someone for me.

"If I had known you for a few years, I wouldn’t have introduced you to him. You are too good for him Katie."

I want to give him the benifit of the doubt. I want this to be right. But I can’t make things just fall into place. I doesn’t matter if I call him. Or if he calls me. Small in perspective of the whole. I don’t want to think less of him until he gives me reason to. I want to hear it from him. Even if everyone else is telling me the truth. I just.

It’s very hard to get around this. Am I supposed to trust blindly every time? Am I expected to smile while all this falls apart? I am not going to judge. Right? I mean it’s against some moral law isn’t it?

The thing is. Is I still have these damn gigantic butterflies. Spinning cotton candy in my stomach. They haven’t died. Can someone tell me what that means?

"Do you believe everything happens for a reason?"(fade to tear jerky music with violins)

I do Nate. I just can’t figure this one out. I keep playing the real of lines he fed me. Does that mean that now they aren’t true. Did you mean it? I feel lost. I feel like about five hundred lines in a John Mayer/Billie Holiday/Jamie Cullumn/Muddy Waters song.

Don’t ask me to call if you won’t pick up. As childish as that sounds. It hurts. To put faith in someone so fast, and then have it die even faster.

Long live me.