Immaturity

That’s my game. I rush everything. Breakfast, endings to movies, music, laundry. Books. Everything.

And now this. You know, him.

I’m pretty sure “I’ll call you in a couple of days” means exactly what it sounds like. But I’m too young to know that yet.

It just. I don’t feel sane when I can’t control things. When I don’t see the future.

But it’s all so. It’s trivial compared to. To what the rest of the world is dealing with. Can’t I just have some compassion?

Jon why did you sound so surprised when I said I pray for everyone I know? Is it too long of a list?

Confession: Sometimes I fall asleep thinking of other people I’ve left out.

Confession: I haven’t spoken to my mother in about a month, and that gives me such guilt.

I’m going to write another letter to God tonight. And I think lately those are my truest prayers. You know, because I don’t write lies to him. He would know anyhow. But I was just wondering now. Wondering the last time I felt God, that bigness in a room. I see Him everyday. But I’m talking about what Ganort said, there was “so much God in the room” (incorrectly quoted, I bet). I can’t remember right now. Is that bad?

Is it bad that I forget to say grace too? Does that make me ungrateful? If I remember two or three bites in? It really worries me. I should just remember.

kt