Bitter

I think I am just bitter. Because everyone’s pairing off. And I feel like I waste my time chasing, and convincing. And I know when it’s right I won’t have to do any convincing what so ever. I don’t want to seduce. Doesn’t the word just sound evil anyhow?

Also. I think I just jump from one butterfly to the next, if you will. I mean. I always want the feeling now. So I ask myself if I’m just calling Brett because he gave me butterflies once. And it was actually around this time last year. March maddness. And I also think that maybe he isn’t right for me. But I want him to be. I also don’t want to care or hear about his ex-girlfriend who I’ve met and was sorta kinda friends with. She was a nice girl. Funny, pretty, pixie like. And they dated since high school. Then she became a flight attendant and left him. Flew away. Ha ha ha.But her heart gave up long before that. He told me you see. He complained to me about her. And I told him that if it didn’t feel right living with her anymore. Forcing himself on her. Then. That’s not really commitment, now is it Brett. But he didn’t listen because I think he really loved her. First heart break too. So all along I pretended that I was the shoulder to cry on. That I was only an outsider. But the devil on my OTHER shoulder whisperd, “see you were right, they didn’t last, he should have picked you….look who’s crying now” But it just isn’t right to think that way. Jealousy. It all stems from jealousy. I see it inside myself and I push it, try to kill it. But here it is rising. To say if you would have picked right(me). I’m such a great choice. Let me advertise myself a bit more. There is so much sin in this. Because. It’s not a game. No pawns, no cards, no spaces to go back.

Having that been said. I’ve been talking to Brett a bit more. To cheer him up of course. Really. He’s got big dreams that are in the works of panning out. And we were going to see The Ring 2 today. He never called me back. I spoke with him two nights or so ago, and he said he would call back in five minutes. Great timing. He hasn’t called back. I saw the movie though with the family. And it was ok. I mean what else can you ask for in a sequel? Tomorrow is my day off as well. So should I: a)go chase Brett again b)shop for shiney things like a game boy ds c)do my hermit duties(draw,music make,crochet,feed my sea monkies). I think I pick the hermit. Cause. That way I won’t even have to leave my room. Be better if the library were open tomorrow. But hey there’s always the book store.

My sister. I love here.I’ve said so before and I mean it. Made fun of me today. “What grown woman walks around with a game boy?” This one I say. This one. It’s all included in my hand book “How to be an Active Memeber in the Uprising against Grown Ups”. I wrote it. Will write it. Any one wanna get in on the pre-sales stage?

I really hated “The Notebook”. Horrible movie. I want those two hours of my life back. But the only part that interested me. The only part that I “awwwed” internally about was the street scene. When they first met and laid in the street waiting for the cars to come. I want some one to chase me like that, and lure me into the middle of the road at who knows what hour of the night to dance with him. I’ve been chasing too long. I’m tired from all the running. I get shin splints you know. So that’s why I am sitting. I give up.