This is why I don’t tell my family anything

 Stupidly, STUPIDLY, I told my mum on Christmas eve that I applied for uni.   My dad was there too, so he heard it as well.  No one seemed that particularly interested, like it’s just another crappy plan of mine that won’t work out.  Which was fine and dandy.  It’s true, as well, I have been saying I’m going back to uni for 5 years now.

Anyway, so main round offers came out at 9pm today.  
At 6:30pm, my mum texts me to ask if I got in.  I told her no, remember, the offers come out at 9pm. 
At 8:55pm, she rings me to ask if I got in.   No, mum, remember, 9pm.  It’s not 9pm yet. 
At 8:58pm, I suddenly realise that my UAC number was saved in my phone which I lost on New Years Eve, and the only other copy I saved of it is at work.  I can’t get my offers until tomorrow, which is fine because all those little HSC graduating 17 year old twerps are probably overloading the servers as we speak.  But of course, I have to text that to my mother, and I’m neurotic enough to think that she’s going to think I’m just procrastinating telling her bad news.  I know how she works, so it’s probably not just paranoia.  She probably actually thinks that.
At 9:03pm, she texts me saying "She left the UAC number in the phone she lost on NYE, will get offers tomorrow".  Which is obviously a text that was meant to go to someone else about me.  
At 9:05pm, she texts me to say "Obviously that wasn’t for you but good luck with that."  Sigh.

Who the fuck were you texting that to, mum?  Who else has to know this?  Is it dad?  Is it one of your retarded alcoholic friends?  WHO?   And what happened to being all nonchalant, huh?

I keep having waves of irrational anxiety, often set off by the stupidest piddling stuff.  This is one of them. I’ve also been run down and dizzy and I had a blood test before Christmas to see if I have a vitamin deficiency like B12 or something but I haven’t called to see if the doctor is back from holidays to discuss the tests, because anxiety becomes social anxiety which means I’m too scared to ring the doctor’s office in case I forget what to say to the receptionist.  I don’t even know what I’m meant to say or if I’m meant to wait for them to ring me.   I’m sure I’ll calm down in a few days enough to make the call or maybe they’ll call me but the point is that I’m not really taking stress well at the moment, so my family really need to just FUCK OFF, ok? 

There was also … an incident.  At Darrell Lea, a few weeks ago.   I spilt some jelly beans, the shop assistant wasn’t pleased with me… I didn’t take it well.  I left the store and realised I still needed to buy something there, and so I had to call Jones to come to the shopping centre to go into the store with my money to buy fucking jelly beans while I stood outside around the corner.  He didn’t even ask me why I needed him to do this – he just did it and went away again.  Apparently I’ve become insane enough that I can do stuff like that and people don’t even want to know why.  Awesomesauce.  :-

So while waiting for 9pm to come around I had calmed myself down with a crossword and some Ricky Gervais on YouTube, now I’m on tenterhooks wondering what the fuck I’m going to do if I don’t get this uni offer.  I’m going to have to hear my mother’s voice go "Really?  Oh.  How come?"  and force myself not to hang up on her.   Why did I have to make this a public humiliation?  Why can’t I keep my trap shut?  I love to kid myself that I’m a "private person" but it’s bollocks.  Blah blah blah talk talk talk me me me.  I think I should hang around talkative people at the moment, the kind who don’t let you get a word in edgewise and simply want you to sit there and nod.  It’s not a big deal if one of my friends asks me if I got in and I have to say no, but I can’t fucking stand the negative thoughts that are inevitably going to leak from the skulls of my judgmental relatives.  ARGH.  

If it wasn’t for the unfortuante physical resemblances, I would doubt that I’m even from the same planet as them.