what am I gonna do????

I swear to god! will the suckage that is my life ever end? The hubby finally seems to turn a new leaf and is trying really hard to be nice to me… We had a good day with the kids at the park. Only to come home and find out that my mother in law has been talking a bunch of trash about me in my own house. She moved in a little over a month ago. The agreement was she would pay the internet cable and phone which is all on one bill. That is the only thing she had to pay. We provide food, toiletries, etc.. Well, I get home today and find out she was on the phone pretty much the whole time we were gone today telling everyone she pays all the bills here because we are making her… She didn’t even pay the one bill she was supposed to pay this month. She said she didn’t have the money because she had to pay car insurance so I paid it. Then she says all of the things she has given me over the years she wishes she could take back and give to her daughter. Ok, a little background on that is, she had a daughter at 19 by a married man, he wouldn’t leave his wife so she gave the baby up for adoption. Her life, her decision, whatever. Well, last july we finally met her. Don’t get me wrong she is wonderful! She is sweet and kind. But she lives in Michigan and we live in TN. We’ve seen her like twice. I understand it’s her daughter but damn do I really all of a sudden mean nothing? I am the one who has helped her wipe her ass when she’s sick for the last seven years. I am the one who has given her sponge baths when she couldn’t get in the shower. I drove almost an hour away before she moved in with us 2 or 3 times a week to clean her house because she couldn’t. I don’t mean straighten up I mean down on my hands and knees scrubbing base boards with bleach and organizing closets and changing beds and all that. She used to tell everyone how I was such a good daughter in law (even though I secretly can’t stand her but I bite my tongue to keep the peace) Now because she has met her real daughter I am not good enough for the things she has given me? what is so wrong with me? She will wind up influencing my husband and he will leave me. I know it. It’s only a matter of time. Why is it everytime I try to help someone I get shit on? And why do I continue to do it? Like tonight when I found all this out…did I go to her and make a scene? No I didn’t because I have become a pushover! I let her and everyone else walk all over me! I hate that about myself I used to be so strong. I used to be someone I could be proud of. Now I just sit back and take it. And why? Why do I do it? I don’t understand. God I hate myself how could I ever expect anyone else to love and care for me? Only my kids love me and that’s only because they are too young to realize it’s a choice. They’ll learn soon enough. It’s not just my mother in law. I found out another chic we let move in with her son last year for a while went and told everyone that my house stays dirty (which is so not true) I have four kids all under the age of 10 so no it does not stay spotless but it gets cleaned every single day. Dishes done. Laundry done. Vacuumed. Swept and most of the time mopped and dusted. She also told everyone I stole her identity and ran up some bills in her name! That is such bullshit. There was never anything here in her name! Everything has been in my name since we moved in here like 3 years ago. And plus if that was the case I’m sure I’d be sitting in jail right now. Then my husbands best friend came to stay with us for a while and when he left he went talking a bunch of shit about me….I’m so disgusted! I just wanna run away. I just want it all to be over. If I didn’t have my babies I’d probably wish myself dead