the big day
I am going tomorrow to have my tubes tied. I have to be there at 6am. I am nervous about this on so many levels. I know we can’t afford another child and I don’t think my mind could handle it even if i could do it financially. I’m nervous because I’ve always been a very healthy person who has never had a surgery of any kind. I never had stitches with any of my kids. My pregnancies were text book. My labors were unbelievably easy. still have my tonsils, appendix, etc. The only time I have ever been in the hospital was to have babies. So, the thought of being put under while they cut on my insides is a little off putting to say the least. Not to mention but I realized two days ago that my surgery is scheduled for the anniversary of my brothers death. He died when I was twelve and he was almost 4 months. Back then if a babies death wasn’t immediatly apparent they labeled it as SIDS and moved on to the next case. So, his official cause of death was SIDS. So, basically, fifteen years ago tomorrow, my brother died in his sleep and I am letting dr’s put me to sleep…. GOD I’m scared!!!! I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom yesterday just to keep my mind off of things. I have no idea how to accomplish that today. Clean what is already clean? Guess i’d better get to finding something to do….
I’ve never had surgery before either so I can relate to you being nervous. Good luck to you! I’m sure everything will be OK. Easy for me to say, right? 🙂
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Thank you for your note. Believe me, I know how that goes. I have a disorder that causes me chronic and excessive pain. I rarely take the oxycodone they prescribe but when my parents come over I have to make sure to hide the bottle. If they see it out they’d take it for sure. Even knowing the kind of pain I am in.
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ryn: It is certainly something to think about… and I’ve always said that.. cheats for you will cheat on you.. but my gut feeling is that he is a good guy in a bad situation. But i suppose you always hope you are the exception to the rule.
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Thanks again for your note. Thankfully I have people close to me that have gotten me through this, that are clearly better and more caring than some. I thought I would be more upset about the loss of that friendship but I have gotten to the point where it just is what it is and I’m going to move on with my life.
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RYN: Thanks for the note. 🙂
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i cant afford another pregnancy either but it feels amazing to do this for angie and ben. i’m sure you’ll enjoy the up coming months of how its all going to play out. and i did mean to say humper. she usually sleeps with everyone so now i guess shes using the bible as her thing since for once shes not sleeping with the guy she with. why? bc he works in the church and doesnt believe in that. seewhat i mean?
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RYN: They aren’t deleted, I make them private after a while. I always worry that someone who knows me in RL (real life) might find me and read things that I don’t want them to read.
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RYN: 1200-1500 calories a day, average 60 min of cardio, 6 days a week. I did that for about a month and then added strength training. A website that helped me tons during the beginning was http://www.sparkpeople.com, i used it to count calories and for tips on exercising.
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ryn: he never left her. He has plans to but I don’t think its in the foreseeable future because of his kids. I kinda of don’t know anything anymore…
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