Could it be true?

Jeff and I have been doing so good the last little while. He is truly making an effort to be the husband I fell in love with. Part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop…I’m waiting for the catch. I hate that I’m such a negative bitch all the time. Why can’t I be grateful for my life?

A little girl in our town died a few days ago from MRSA. She was 11. I have two 9 year old girls, a 6 year old son, and a 4 year old daughter. Her funeral was today and I couldn’t even imagine going and seeing this poor child laying there. My friend went and said the father didn’t show he just sent a note. He hasn’t left his bed since it happened. How do you resume a normal life after the loss of a child? I think about everytime I’ve told my children I’m too busy…maybe in a few minutes, punkin’. Mommy’s too tired to read to night, little bit. What if it’s the last opportunity I have to do something like that? I’m sure her father would give up his own life for just one more bedtime story or one more "but daddy please". I have to do better, I will do better. They will feel my love no matter how bad of a mood I am in. I will cherish every little whisper and smile. I swear I will. Because even if I am one of the fortunate souls who never loses a child to death, I will eventually lose them to adulthood. They will grow and become their own persons with their own lives.