better today

so I’m a little better today. I cried and cried so much yesterday, I don’t think there are any tears left. Jeff is actually home tonight and he’s in the bed sleeping and I’m on my laptop in the living room. I can’t sleep too much is weighing on my mind and my heart. I can’t get it to stop long enough to get it to drift off to sleep. For the first time in my life I litterally feel like I am going crazy. Things have never been this bad. I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t know if I should stay or go. I said for better or worse right? Well this is definitley worse. I mean I know he isn’t the worst husband to ever walk the face of the earth. He doesn’t beat me or my children. He doesn’t spend our money on drugs or an abundance of alcohol. He works and he comes home. Then starts all over again. He is a good son to his mother. Everyone around him adores him because he is such a good guy. So why is it he’s such an ass to me? How can he be so charming to everyone else and then look at me with such hate? What did I do to deserve any of it? And the biggest question of all is how in the hell can I still love him so much? Can’t seem to help myself