6/20/08

it smelled like summer, the early morning of wheat and the chill that comes just before dawn.  The moon was beautiful and cast enough light to make sharp shadows on the grass.  Even the mikly way was brilliant and deep, like it usually only is in the coldest part of winter.  I wish I had been in a better place to enjoy it more, but it did bring me peace for a little while.  it made me miss you, the walks, the dennys runs, all the crazyness.  Yes, i went walking alone, in the middle of the night, but not up  on campus.   Only did half the loop, god I am out of shape.  Couldn’t go down to the river either, memories of an almost perfect day haunted me there. .. It was fall, I had recently egnowlaged that I was deeply in love, I spent hours walking along the river, talking to him.  Sitting in the sun and then moving when I got too cold.  another memory of walking down there, this time T took me.  I dont think he was pleased, It was jan I think, maybe feb.  and colder than shit.  But he wouldnt let me walk down there by myself… I needed space, i needed to not have people around me for a little while.  I needed to wisper my thoughts to the river and let them carry them away.  Maybe I should drive down to the snake today, it would be fun to take soren swimming. but I dont have floats, and I dont know how he would handle it.  and can  i really justify the cost of the gas?

maybe I should go up on the hill for the sunrise?

maybe I should go to bed