Unravelling

I finally told my mother about Alexander’s baby.  Probably a good thing because just today he sent around a circular telling everyone his new email address – with a mention of the baby as well. 

Odd.  The baby’s seven months old now.  Just learnt to crawl.  Seven months plus nine months pregnancy – I’ve known about it for over a year and I kept it a secret.  I’m not even quite sure why I did.  I suppose I didn’t want to hear more judgement of Alexander from my grandmother.  And I’d just found out that my mother had disapproved of him from the start, and never told me.  I’d also been told that she’d looked through his bags and read love letters from his ex-girlfriend some time after we’d split up.  Oh well, the baby wasn’t getting any smaller. 

Too many secrets.  And too much disclosure!  I can’t keep a balance.  I have trouble with "keeping boundaries".  It’s making things awfully messy financially.  Everyone know’s I’m poor, and everyone helps me a little.  But no-one knows that the others are also helping.  So I end up with more help than any of them know.  And Centrelink is going to say my bank balance looks suspiciously plump. 

Secrets kept, secrets clumsily spilt.  I told my mother and grandmother that Anna was helping me pay for Naturopathy.  And almost let it slip that my grandmother is helping me financially.  I hate all this!  All I want is enough to live on comfortably without threats of losing my income.  Finances can get really complicated when you’re poor!