The real pain of rejection

Gah, I’m in so much pain tonight.  And I’m getting clearer on what triggered it too.  I had dinner with my grandmother, and issues of religion came up again.  I thought I was just having a pleasant conversation with her, so why was I starting to feel pain? 

Then I realised.  It’s not just a pleasant conversation.  It never is.  I’m constantly and desperately seeking some sort of common ground, something we can agree on.  I’m putting 100% of my energy into trying to gain acceptance from her.  And I’m not getting it.  I never do.  I probably never will.

And I don’t know why it’s so important to me.  I get so tense in those supposedly casual chats over dinner that I end up sick like this.  Horrible pain, unstable, it could get much worse at any moment.  Just as exercise triggers an asthma attack, dinner with parents or grandparents triggers a bout of endo pain. 

I have so got to figure this.  And quickly. 

The question is, why is their acceptance so important to me?  I know I try to be universally liked.  In general, I am.  But when someone resolutely dislikes me, I end up getting really messed up over it.  And I know it’s not sensible.  So why and how do I do it?  What are the mechanics of it?

Could I just resign myself to the fact that my parents and my grandmother don’t approve of me, my life, my political views or my religious beliefs, and never will?  Could I do that and still accept bowls of chicken soup and help with laundry when I’m sick?  Could I still accept invitations to dinner? 

Confused.