The nectar

I wonder, is it possible to get addicted to your own endogenous opioids? Third day of pain in the latest bout. The pain’s a lot less than it was, but my inner resources are running out faster than the pain is. I’m craving something. Something that feels like dream flying and orgasm and being deep, deep in a tale where you’re all the characters at once. Something liquid, with a taste like mountain streams and samadhi nectar.

Does it exist, I wonder?

Maybe my brain is making this wondrous stuff, in doses only big enough to take the edge off the pain. Otherwise, how would I have even concieved ot this thing to crave? I suppose it’s possible that I’m craving some opioid I’ve had before. Fentanyl, perhaps. That gave me cravings for a couple of weeks, the last time I had surgery. Good stuff, damn fine stuff, but nothing compared to what I’m craving now. Why, fentanyl never even made me feel good. Just a little numb. Or a little blacked out unconscious for three hours, that time the intern in ER gave me too much, but I’m rambling.

Deve

November 26, 2010

Fentanyl patches are popular on the black market in the US. I just read that the local police are looking for the person who sold fentanyl patches to a young woman who died with one attached to her. I wonder if she was trying to avoid pain or just avoid boredom. ryn: I know care goes by different words in different countries. An osteopath in Canada is quite different to an osteopath in the US, or so I’ve read on OD. Does Australian Medicare pay for homeopathic care? If so, it probably means something different in your country than in mine, where it’s tantamount to faith-healing. Our homeopaths treat people with placebos and hope for the best, making sure to claim credit whenever the body heals itself.

I know that feeling, or a feeling like, what you’re talking about. Orgasmic dream flying. I get that sometimes as I’m falling asleep and my body buzzes all over like it’s electric. I like to think that always happens when I’m falling asleep, only I usually don’t remember it. Like maybe something has to wake me up at just the right time–interrupt it–in order for me to know it happened.