Recovery

Update:  I cooked the chicken, in a glorious Syrian curry with currants and lemon and lots of ginger.  It was the best thing I’ve eaten in months.  I am queen of the kitchen. 

Anna rang me back and I talked to her about the whole Dave-email-tantrum issue.  She’s so good to talk to.  I feel confident now that none of Dave’s tantrum is my fault.  I was calm and polite, and I have a right to address issues that are bothering me.  If his response to that is a hissie fit of titanic proportions, then that points to a problem in him, not in me. 

Anna counsels women in abusive relationships (among other things), and she told me that those women often blame themselves for the appalling behaviour of others.  She recommended that if I ever start thinking someone’s behaviour is my fault, I should consider whether I might actually be in an abusive situation.  I will have to remember that.  I think it’s good advice. 

As for Dave, he wrote a somewhat more moderate email asking if he’d misinterpreted what I’d said.  So I wrote that I’d never said to shove off or said I didn’t want a friendship (as he claimed I had meant).  Perhaps even saying that was too much.  Really, I don’t need a friendship like this.  I’m looking on my to-do list for "make friends with person who has huge tantrum whenever I raise an issue" and nope… it’s not there.