People skills… hmm

Just got another SMS from an old acquaintance wanting to get back in touch.  I haven’t seen Deva in years, but he keeps sending long "Happy New Year" texts each year, to which it seems rude not to reply.  I don’t want to get back in touch; we were never really friends in the first place.  He had a crush on me, and I found him annoying, sentimental, clingy and unattractive. 

Then I realised it.  That describes Nick and Dave too.  Sweet but somewhat socially unskilled guys who hung around after I made it clear I wasn’t interested in dating them.  I don’t want to continue this pattern.  Dave’s a good friend, and Nick’s alright sometimes, but I can do without Deva, and the overall pattern worries me.  It’s as though I’m collecting a fan club rather than friends, and a sorry-looking fan club it is. 

I’m not sure whether I’m attracting the wrong kind of people, or acting in such a way that I don’t meet  – or don’t make friends of – the kind I’d like.  I’m not talking about OD readers or the like, but regular friends you exchange contact details and have conversations with.  Perhaps I should pursue friendships rather than waiting for others to choose me.  On the other hand, it may be that I’m not choosy enough.  They say being picky is attractive. 

The whole thing confounds me, to tell the truth.  I was raised not to have friends.  Really.  It was considered "wasting time" in my family.  Being sociable takes a lot of effort; it doesn’t come naturally.  When I get tired I revert to ‘solitary’ mode. 

Just did that a little while ago actually.  Having a bad pain day today, and my mother rang and offered to bring soup.  I accepted.  When she came, I was in my PJ’s looking a mess, and my flat not much better.  She brought not just soup, but a whole basket of food, and my father as well.  I was a bit embarrassed at both.  Then she offers to wash up while I eat.  Meanwhile my dad starts peering closely at everything around the house… the notes to myself on the fridge, the rent waiting to be paid, the cards and postcards people have written me… I’m tying myself in knots trying to watch what the hell he’s snooping in while trying to eat the soup my mother brought.  Eventually I couldn’t handle it; I didn’t know what else to do, so I threw a big hissy fit and made distraught-sounding protests and apologies roughly equally, until they ran away. 

I’m not entirely sure where that lies on the scale of ‘justified’ to ‘appallingly rude’, but at least I know not to accept food offers next time I’m sick.