Pain like noise

Ugh, I’m in pain.  The annoying thing is, after so many years of chronic pain my body has started to do weird things with it.  Or maybe it’s just gotten lazy.  I’m in pain, but I can’t tell what part of my body hurts.  It’s probably my lower abdomen, but it could be my head too. I guess I gotta go see the naturopath again, but it seems like I’ve been seeing her every two weeks.  I wondered why I was having trouble getting anything done, why I was feeling overwhelmed and nothing was rewarding.  I couldn’t even concentrate on TV.  Yup.  Pain, you guessed it.  Takes a while to register these days. It’s like noise that rarely stops completely, and just builds very very gradually. 

Why has OD got such a ridiculously wide window for typing text in?  And you can’t make it narrower.  It’s really annoying. 

I’m sorry, I’m completely artless today.  I just want something to take the pain away.  I end up craving all the junk food I can think of.  Cheese, cream, alcohol, sugary this and that.  None of it works of course.  I think what my body would really like is something narcotic and addictive.  Opioids please. 

I have so little consciousness left.  I feel so unworthy for not making anything of my life; for having no career, yet how can I when I’m struggling to even make my bed so I can sleep?  How is this my bad?  I’m barely here.