Moodiness

I’ve been feeling so horribly moody lately.  The thing is, I’m clear enough to see that it’s not me.  It’s just a mood; some kind of chemical or hormonal imbalance.  It started with the aggro mood last week.  That stupid email thing served to focus it.  By the next day I felt so agitated – and not about anything in particular – I just couldn’t do anything productive.  Finally I went to the gym, hoping that would help.  Going to the gym is a bit of a rare event tor me, but I did a long and furious workout, and by the end the aggressive feeling was completely gone. 

Yes, gone and replaced by an insufferable sooky feeling.  My self esteem disappeared and I was certain that I’m completely unattractive and no-one wants to be my friend.  The next day I woke up feeling no better.  Plus I had no energy and couldn’t be stuffed anyway, what’s the point?  Aaargh.  

But since seeing my naturopath yesterday, I’m a little freaked out about it all.  Apparently I have a set of symptoms similar to steroid abuse (yes, roid rage!) and I’m told my endo drugs could be causing it.  I didn’t know this, but it seems the body can convert excess progestogens into androgens, and it completely messes with your liver.  ‘Ah!’ says me, ‘That would explain the sharp pains under my right ribs!’ 

The scary thing is, I’m completely dependent on this stuff.  Without it I’d just be in horrendous pain that would get worse and worse and worse.  It’s really scary when you find there aren’t any drugs your body will tolerate.  The last such discovery was with painkillers, and that wasn’t nice. 

I have a sneaking suspicion this has something to do with a life plan for healing.  All the too-easy bandaid solutions get snatched away.  Those solutions might work for ninety-nine percent of cases, but I’m always in that other one percent.