living in a cheerleader world

I dreamt last night that ms boss-in-charge gave me a serious dressing down for "letting down the team" and for unacceptably poor performance.  Oh, I’d been clapping my hands in time with everyone else, but under the table, I hadn’t been stomping my feet.  How’s that for a metaphor for my relationship with society? 

The sad thing was, after they’d all gone, there was no-one to commiserate with.  No-one to give an alternative view.  There was no paradigm except the dominant one in which my failure to conform enthusiastically was considered deplorable and shameful.  True, true and true.  The isolation is really getting to me. 

I’ve been trying to get on top of all the housework and the "to do" list, and I think I’m really getting there.  It feels better.  I am almost coping with the everyday requirements of my life.  Well, except for cooking.  But how fast am I really moving forward in my life?  Is it all going according to some unwritten plan, or are the wheels spinning in the mud?  Sometimes it’s hard to tell.  Especially as the most intense periods of personal growth seem to come out of physical illness. 

I’d assumed that personal relationships weren’t important to my life plan.  That they were just a time-waster, a leisure-time activity.  As my parents always taught me.  Now I’m starting to wonder if my social isolation is actually holding me back.