Just busy keeping the birth rate down

I haven’t heard from Alexander for weeks.  Well, not since that time on IM where he spent an hour or so going on about some new kind of Esperanto he and his friends were inventing.  And finally I told him it sounded really stupid.  That could have had something to do with it. 

I’m missing him.  Or maybe I’m just jealous, I don’t know.  I talked to Anna, since I couldn’t contact Alexander.  She said Alexander and Tlalit’s baby is due very early September.  Well, it’s the 8th and I still haven’t heard anything. 

I’ve been so vicarious about this baby.  I want to know how Tlalit’s doing, and I want to know when the baby’s born, and I’ll be ready to draw up the natal chart as soon as I have birth data.  Of course, it’s none of my business.  I barely even know Tlalit.  I expected to at least send them a gift though. 

I’m sad not to have a baby of my own.  I’ve had images of a little girl, a daughter, for the last six or seven years now.  I think it’s a soul hanging around me, wanting to be born.  She seems like such a sweetie too. 

But I’m single, poor, sick, and probably infertile.  And it could be that my health problems are caused by a toxic buildup of dioxins or PCBs.  If so, I’d pass that on to my child if I had one, and she’d become sick too. 

Even if a soul was happy to incarnate into such a body, could I live with myself?  And the child could end up sick and dependent, like me.  No, it just wouldn’t be right. 

Two of my cousins have just given birth, another is due in October, and Tlalit’s baby is due any day.  Or maybe it’s already been born.  I feel so isolated. 

No babies for me.