How to drive away a patient

Regretfully, for the first time I’m seriously considering leaving my naturopath.  I really hope I find a better solution, but I’m realising it might be necessary.  I’m disappointed to say that when it comes to mental health issues, she’s treated me as badly as past doctors have.  Like them, when I tell her I’m suffering from a mental symptom (anxiety in her case), she feels entitled to dispense whatever form of lecturing, scolding and general pontificating suits her mood.  She probably even considers it a kind of counselling.  Like the doctors I left earlier, she’s completely disrespectful and doesn’t even ask if I want the service she seems to think she’s offering (despite being completely unqualified to provide it.) 

She’s recently (and proudly) completed a graduate diploma in nutrition for mental health.  She seems very knowledgeable in general.  For those reasons, I was recommending her to my friends and extended family, especially for mental health issues.  Sadly, I must withdraw my recommendation.  The last thing anyone with real mental health issues needs is to be scolded for an hour without pause for supposedly indulging in negative self-talk, or making mountains out of molehills or whatever else she’s assuming is the culprit. 

I’m going to be generous and assume she was having an especially bad day.  However, I don’t want to be in any situation where I feel compelled to allow someone to treat me like that, no matter how bad a day they’re having. 

My ex-husband used to treat me like that.  I divorced him.  It’s a very similar pattern, actually.  A person gets a bee in their bonnet about something, and then they just get more and more worked up about it, taking it out on the person they’re talking to.  It doesn’t matter what you say, everything just makes matters worse.  You interrupt and try to change the topic, they won’t let you.  You listen politely, they just keep ranting.  You nod and agree with them, they keep ranting.  You try active listening, rephrasing and repeating what they’ve said, to show you’ve heard… and they pick fault with the way you express yourself, even if you’re agreeing with what they said. 

So you agree to do whatever they seem to be demanding… they say you’re doing it from the wrong spirit.  You ask them what would please them, they take offence.  You show signs of being upset, they take it as some kind of disagreement with what they’re saying, or a sign of moral weakness.  You ask to continue another time, they look at you with disgust and keep ranting.  You look away and give no sign of interest at all, waiting silently and patiently for them to finish.  They pause and repeat themselves again and again.  You refuse to be drawn in any further, refusing to respond to accusations, they threaten to end the relationship…  You’d have left long ago if you thought you had any workable options. 

The most troubling thing is, she probably thinks all of this was some benevolent form of psychotherapy.  She probably thought that – rather than being subjected to an hour and a half of verbal abuse and being late for dinner with my grandmother – I was the fortunate recipient of an extra hour of wonderful and helpful advice that she most generously didn’t charge me for. 

I must conclude it’s really not emotionally safe to even mention to my naturopath when I have an anxiety problem.  This isn’t the first time she’s wasted the appointment I’ve paid for with lecturing and amateur counselling that’s only made matters much worse.  The really annoying thing is that I don’t see how I can keep seeing her as my naturopath if I can’t tell her about some really important and crippling symptoms.  If she thinks I need counselling, fine, I’ll go see a psychologist or a psychotherapist.  But this just undermines her entire professional credibility.  I’m even tempted to ask her professional body if it’s considered acceptable practice. 

I’ve done everything I can think of to resolve this in a polite and non-confrontational manner.  So now I need to look for a way to do without her.  I’ll then be able to afford a riskier, more direct confrontation, knowing that if it destroys the relationship, I’ll have a fallback.