Confused sexuality

I had a somewhat disturbing experience today.  I was doing a test somewhere on the BBC site that tells you whether your brain is closer to the typical male or typical female brain.  There’s a section where they ask you to look at faces and pick which of a pair you find more attractive.  They show two photos of a person at a time, which have been slightly digitally altered to look more masculine or feminine. 

Anyway, that’s not really important.  The thing is, they ask for your preferred partner sex – I said males, please.  Then I looked at the mens faces, and not only could I not decide which was more attractive, I didn’t really find any of them attractive.  They all seemed either threatening or dull.  So I did the test again, asking to see women.  And about half or two-thirds of them were attractive.  I also had no problem telling which face of each pair I preferred. 

So now it’s got me thinking: my god, do I actually prefer women, sexually? 

That test certainly wouldn’t be the only thing to make me suspect it.  The thing is, is it ridiculous to be questioning my sexuality again at the age of twenty-nine?  I feel like some angsy teenager again.  I thought I’d settled on "straight, but not completely straight" years ago.  Am I being ridiculous?

It might also be ridiculous to consider myself mostly straight when most of the people I find attractive are women.  I mean that in everyday life, not just in some online test.  I really don’t have anyone I can talk to about this, and it’s annoying me! 

Of couse, a practical and rather boring part of me says, "Who cares?  You’ve decided you don’t want a relationship now anyway."  Remember that stuff I wrote not-so-long-ago about wanting to be only friends with men?  I have a sinking feeling that this might all be a lot simpler than I thought. 

Log in to write a note