Somedays……

I feel like I should write as I haven’t in a while….what’s been going on???
 
THe normal stuff…school work, conference, clinical and the kids.

Somedays I hate explaining everything about my situation……I know how it comes across and what people think and I hate that I care.
I have a BF and I have 2 kids with 2 different men……….if you just heard that.  Oh she’s one of THOSE people…..Sluts
I was married before………Then you would think…. oh, probably divorced ran off with extra marital affair.
So  feeling like I’m being judged and not in a good way then I tell them that he died.  God sometimes I wish I just had a "Normal" life, you know married had kid and non of this drama I went through.   
So there thoughts now go to pity rather than skank or tramp. Not that I like pity much and rather not have that either but its better than skank. Then it could get deeper like it did today as I mentioned I had a special needs child…more pity…..Grrrr.  
Why I mention this???? I don’t know I was with another Respiratory Therapist and we got to talking some times I don’t say much other times I do. Today was one of them….

There was a set of twins there from my city that were transfered there.  They were 30 wks gestational….The mother is 17 years old and this is her 2nd set of twins her 1st was when she was 14 years old.  One from the first set died at this hospital apparently she had them really early last time too.  I guess she had been pregnant 2 times in between and aborted them but since she was having twins chose to keep them…… she tested positive for cocaine and was furious that  her babies were shipped to this hospital and wanted them transfered out…appearantly the father has spread his seed around as the nursing staff at the NICU knew him well….. (that’s sad on many levels)  no to mention he can’t read or write…. not judging but that sucks for those little babies.

Okay then there’s my screwed up life…….

Jonathan I took for h is 15 month check up and although he has a cold I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just knew he was off.   He was in a bad mood lately and he’s usually very happy go lucky.   Saturday he figured out well if I put my hands over my ears I don’t hear mommy say no no.  I didn’t occur to me as he’s been messing with them that he also had an ear infection.  I thought they would say something about his cough and congestion.   So I didn’t have them give the shots to him as I thought it would really suck for him to had the ear pain and deal with the shots as he’s had problems in the past.    He’s also got an allergic rash on his body but not going to test unless it gets worse…. tonight it was raging red… I’m thinking apple maybe????

Andrew ….this one.   Monday he gets up at 6:30.  Jonathan is being clinging obviously its the ear infection that bugging him and I don’t know it.  Andrew is acting normal and wanting to watch TV and gets dressed at his usual snails pace. I haven’t put the clothes away so I don’t  need to go upstairs for any reason and I was downstairs BEFORE he got up.  He gets his jacket on and shoes and tells me… I didn’t wet the bed last night!! I tell him that’s great! and he mumbles back but I threw up in bed.   Huh what????  The bus is pulling up to the house.  You threw up in bed?? Yeah he says and I didn’t wet the bed!  I send him out the door… thinking…he coughs till almost is gagging that could be it??  Wouldn’t that be like the FIRST thing you would tell your parents when you woke up??? 

So he’s on his way to school and sure enough he did, obviously not sick enough to act different.   Change the bed. Hoping he’s fine at school.  10:30 rolls around school calls, he threw up there….. What’s this he was sick last night and you STILL sent him??? Sick last night???  I knew all of 30 seconds before he got on the bus.  "Well" says snotty nurse "He said he threw up last night. He shouldn’t have been in school. " Both his teachers aide and school nurse pissed at me…. GRRRRRR  Would like to see what they would have choosen in my place as they obviously DIDN’T believe me.  Who would??? 

In the car on the way home…….Andrew why are you telling them you got sick last night.   I did mom.  I threw up and rolled over and went back to sleep.  Oh by the way I’m disappointed I’m missing snack now….

I’m seeing red… don’t even ask me for food right now!!

Then I get a note stating his hygiene sucks and could I have him shower or bath , brush his teeth and have clean clothes on.. from the bitchy school nurse…… Okay this is the problem.  He’s slow as molasses in the morning and getting him to do anything other than get dressed and brush his teeth is a total nightmare.  I’m also not there 3 of the 5  mornings so I do as much as I can the night before.  He half ass brushes his teeth also in the morning. NO matter what he does he’s ALWAYS got bad breath.  He also sweats easily and although he puts on deodorant ….Remember he’s only 8!!!!  He still stinks after gym.   I don’t know what to do.  I’m not there half the morning to even attempt to bath him in the morning and scrub him not that I should as he’s 8  making sure he’s got deodorant on and brush his teeth for him.  Not that it will matter once he gets to school, eats breakfast and goes to the exercise room first off…..He’s going to stink again and I’m going to get more notes…. guess I will have to come and bathe him at school and brush his teeth there.  right now I packed in his bookbag….deodorant , more clothes, and toothbrush and toothpaste.  This is also the kid that will find dirt and roll in it whenever possible… 

personally I rather work on his bad habits of not fully pulling up his pants…. picking his nose in public,  not wiping well. sure that’s part of the smell and a few others along those lines.   They called me and let me know he was offensive after gym…. I got him deodorant. We put it on the nights before  and I had it in his bag.  It was never touched.   Now what the hell is there problem it was a random your child had bad hygiene and wears dirty stained clothes to school all the time and has been talked about that.  I do the laundry I pick out his clothes and KNOW they are washed.!!!!  They are NEVER Stained or dirty.  They are not brand spanking new but he always looks good.. Frumpy as he’s in sweatpants most of the time. But who cares, he c

an get them up and down himself .

I’m just angry……I sort of punished him tonight for it….I feel bad but I know at this age kids are sloppy, lazy and do as little as possible, I was 8 once and I remember fighting it too. I remember my aunt telling me she takes a shower everyday and I thought that was too much. Till I got to be a teenager and hell I still take a shower everyday.  I remember them calling me lazy back then and I probably was, growing up I felt like the laziest person on the planet.  I know I"m not now…somedays I still do and its usually because I’m not feeling good and you can tell in my household if I’m not.  I’ve had horrible headaches most of the last few weeks because of stress as the end for me is near.  The point is I can only get him to take advice and hope he does it than doing it for him.  He’s almost my size at this point.  Sometimes it feels like he’s 10 or 11 but he’s only 8! This is where the problem lies if he’s not going to do it then I have to do it for him…brush his teeth and scrub him so I KNOW it gets done.  But what is that teaching him?  If I’m lazy enough I don’t have to do anything, someone will do i for me???  If he is shunned at school maybe the message will sink in that maybe being clean is a good thing and I like to keep clean and not stink…. I remember we had to take showers in Elementary school ..what they don’t do that anymore???  I didn’t understand it then …NOW I so do…. I know he has special needs BUT he can wash up by himself and he can brush his teeth. These are not things it affects at all.. Playing sports and doing school work yes…  buttoning and zipping, yes.. Washing hair and butt ,no….  I guess for the next few years I will cringe as him doing this and fighting about it and then I won’t be able to get him out of the shower and be writing this kid has been in the shower for hours and the house  reeks of cologne.

Motherhood is such a joy…. sometimes you feel like your on top of the world and others the ass end of a donkey…….right now I’m the ass end of the donkey.