Not Many know…

Why I don’t say something I don’t know. Its not me to talk about myself.   You guys know. A friend knows and Dennis knows….That’s it.  I didn’t go for the blood work today.  Didn’t feel like waiting there and there was no sense.  I can feel the hormones stablizing and not so darn emotional about everything.

I hated it as I was pregnancy hormonal during 9/11 of this as my son asked me a million questions about the event.  Its hard not to be emotional about the whole thing but pregnant forget about it.  9/11 was almost the start of my nightmare life….. It was around that time I was 5 months pregnant and theyt found out Rich had a rare genetic disorder that we ignored….     After 9/11 I had no job and had to pay for health insurance through COBRA ..fun.   Andrew was born and we had to make a decision of what to do.   We moved to MI to be closer to family (not that close only 3 hours closer) but making more money and not as far commute.   Then he got sick and well forget it, life sucked.   9/11 was just the start.   I guess sitting around the house pregnant and jobless while the country is morning and the victims are asking for al kinds of money has a tendency to piss you off.  Hey I’m a widow too. Its not like I don’t know what losing your spouse feels like.

Anyway rant over…..

Went to the store and someone I know asked me If I planned on having more children… Yeah loved they question at this time.  Somehow When the littlest one gets around that 3 mark people ask.  It happen the last time I miscarried too.   Andrew was around the same age sort of.  He had just turned 3.  I told everybody I was pregnant and I miscarried at about  12 weeks.  That one was tough as it can out of the blue sort of.  I did tell them I didn’t feel right  then. I remember almost passing out at one point.  That one I saw a heart beat. I have 2 ultrasounds on.  This one..nothing.   If I didn’t do the blood test ..there would be no record of it.     Don’t know what the plan is for if I want to have another child,  Appearantly I only have kids  at the beginning of Feb. ………