Emotional Roller Coaster.

 I’m emotionally in a roller coaster from hell.  We have a meeting every month with the psychologist there to go over cases that we get of people we call. Sometime we just sit there and nobody wanting to give them a case we are working with and he goes off on a politic tangent that we don’t like.  So they decided to pick a case for him to listen too and comment on. I listened to this call and by the end was emotionally spent.   My whole past life just revisited me through that call. I could hear the anxst in this persons voice and KNOW the feeling as that emotion came rushing back to me.  I wrote her back and stated this was something I was familiar with.  I don’t talk too much about my past.  I talk in generality.  He was sick, he died. No they didn’t know why. The end.  I don’t really get into the 3 year leading up to his death or I pull out one little incident as if I pull out certain things its too emotional and I don’t like going there.  I know I still haven’t dealt with it. It just easier not to. There’s nothing to gain, I don’t think about it on a daily basis, it doesn’t effect me at all….till this.  I’m anxious and nervous to be sitting there listening to someone a psychologist, none the less analyze this person feelings.  Ifyou haven’t been in a person shoes how do you know what its like or how you react to that situation.  I’m thinking I might have a complete melt down. I’ll try not to and suck it up. Deep Breath…..

The other thing that went on.  Do you believe that the whole middle finger thing is still going on???  He was arrested Dec 9, 2009 for giving the police officer the middle finger and he’s still going to court over this. The maximum sentence for this insicent coinsidently with there stupid charge of resisting arrest is 1yr 2wks for the 2 charges (1yr for resisting arrest, 2 wks for disoderly conduct) they still have my bail money.   Its now been 1 yr 2months almost 2 wks. If I didn’t pay his bail he would have been in there LONGER than what his punishment would have been…….ASSHOLES.   I wrote the judge a letter  I’m tired of this BS. Its like he’s on probation without actually charging him with anything. They keep dragging this out to punish him without actually charging him.  So hopefully the judge will not have me arrested for you know using my 1st ammendment rights that appearantly mean shit in this town.   CAN YOU SPELL LAWSUIT???  GRRRRRR  

SO I came home with both of those things in my head and Dennis is acting like an asshole. I don’t know why, he won’t say as usual.  But he left me to make dinner  with the to kids and was screaming at me for stupid stuff.  He went in the basement and I took the kids and walked to Wendy’s to eat and then to the Y to work out…. I got back 2 hours later. He cooked himself supper…Imagine that.  DIdn’t say one fucking word to me…..Don’t really care when he acts like a ficken baby.

Sorry for the swearing….Just aggravated tonight.