A toast…..

As I kow my in laws are at my not so favorite brother and sister in laws house. Toasting to their son and brother . I sit home thinking about him.
To my late HUSBAND
A Toast to him.
I miss you buddy this holiday season.

With all the death and dispair this holiday its hard having someone you love not here. I guess I should have moved on/. I guess that’s why I’m on here. When I have feeling that I think I’m not suppose to have or more don’t know what to do with them I come here to get them out in writing to move on. I don’t know if the reason this is upsetting me about their toast is that I hate the bitch or that this year with the Les Mis movie coming out and how passionate he was about that play or what. Its bothering me. When they are toasting to him and leave me out do they think I forgot about him? Do they think I was the cause? Its not like we talk about it. Its been a hush thing since he died. An unspoken thing. I think f-u you didn’t think he was sick and now he’s dead. Who knows ….. Maybe they think deep down I did this. I look back at the last 6.5 yrs and it amazes me the transformation in me. I know the 5 stages of grief and as I sat ther the day it happened thinking okay have I gone through all of them yet? Its like you want to deny your going through them or oh they are over and done lets move on. I can see now it wasn’t like that at all. it was long drawn out and there should have been more clarity. I do miss him. I do think about him from time to time. I know this Christmas the best gift he would have wanted was to be first to see the Les Mis movie. I cry everytime I see the comercial. Its like he’s screaming at me.

To Rich!
Merry Christmas ! May you have a front row seat to that movie in heaven! I love you forever, till we meet again!

Joy to the World the Lord has come………..

My favorite Christmas so is still I beleive in Father Christmas…’

Just wish gift giving wasn’t so competitive. Its over hyped and over done and I’m so done with the santa Christmas thing…. Good night