lies.lies.lies

I I feel as if I am going to be sick.  Honestly I dont know how I am going to survive today. 

Some ingenious soul decided that things werent quite hard enough.  It was apprently not bad enough that I have had to put back together the scattered tattered pieces of my soul already in the short months of this waxing year.  Instead of some blessed reprieve, I was summarily treated to falsehoods.

Why someone, anyone, would choose to do this, I do not understand.  What does it gain you to stain the fabric of my life with something like this?  Does it make you feel better about yourself to know that you have succesfully destroyed a trust I have hard earned over more than eighteen months’ time?  Why would you do this?

You (and no, I have no idea who you are, with the one assurance of knowing it is no one on this thing) must really feel accomplished.  As I stand here reeling in disbelief.  All of these things I have gotten through.  All of these mountains we have managed to climb, and still remain tethered together.  You come along to fray the rope.  You bastard.  I hold a contempt for you so thick and black.  An impregnable fortress of hatred is what I feel for you my unknown liar.  Were I a believer in divination, I would place the thousand worst curses upon your head.

Why.  Why in the name of all things sacred would you tell her that I "would leave her for another, if only the other were free".  That I wish she had not welcomed me back into her life.  That I would never be happy with her.  That I longed for a person other than her.  Oh why would you.

Now I have to listen to the distance in her voice, as she weighs these words you placed in her brain for intimate concideration.  Exploiting all the insignificant syllables and passing moods of our life.  Making it all seem much more like deception than mere living.  Oh how goddamn quickly it changes.  All you had to do was manufacture a few lines.  Relay an imaginary conversation.  Take random excerpts of my pain from times past and recite them in some out-of-context fashion to make it seem different than it was.  Oh how I hate you for this.

I hope that you know that I came home last night to her telling me she was leaving on thursday.  I recieved no explanation.  It was only after hours of my incessant begging, eventually reduced to nonsensical chanting of words, that gleaned me this knowlegde of your actions.  There is a chance that I was able to at least convince her not to leave.  Other than that, you can only imagine the rest.  She will never trust me now, and I did nothing.  Dammit, nothing to deserve this. 

So here I am to congratulate you.  Job well done.  You expert ruiner of lives.

Just hope I dont discover your name, you low bastard.