Anéantissement

I am going to lose my mind, I am so frustrated right now.  I am exactly one week away from her leaving, and if it was tomorrow it wouldnt be soon enough.  She and her sickly sweetness, and her sincere bullshit.  I dont want it.  It exhausts me, and makes me feel bad.  I shouldnt feel bad.  She treated me as if I was worthless, and was leaving me anyway.  I dont need to feel this way.

My life is insanity.  I wake up, deal with her smothering me, go to work and talk to Jamie all day, and then come home to her weeping on me and telling me stories of our love.  I dont want to hear them anymore.  They have all become tarnished with her shade of indifference, far beyond all sentiment.  Perhaps one day I will be able to look at them fondly, but that isnt today. 

She keeps me awake until all hours of the wee morning, and i am unable to do anything but sit next to her, be pushed to the wall by her, as she kisses my cheek, and asks again why I wont kiss her.  To have my head turned to face her, and be woken again and again by her asking me to answer the same questions.  She texts and calls me all day, by turns accusing me of things and then professing her love.  I really truly cant.

Jamie and I were supposed to get to talk tonight.  Well, excepting two 5 minute conversations and a three-exchange im, that was dashed.  Thanks mary, thank YOU Jen.  I love you both, really.  I hope that you someday find each other, fall in love, and drive each other fucking insane.  Because you really are meant for each other.

*sigh*  I’m just frustrated by life.