September 23, 2004

Issues…

is·sue n.

The act or an instance of flowing, passing, or giving out.

A final result or conclusion, as a solution to a problem.

The essential point; crux:.

A culminating point leading to a decision:.

Informal. A personal problem or emotional disorder:

I have issues with my family. *blinks* In truth, I honestly believe that this statement is true. However, I’m going to let you in on a little secret pertaining to this. I have issues, yes, but I wonder in saying this if it’s not really my behavior in how I personally deal, handle or understand the situation with any given member of my family.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family very much. For the most part I am estranged from my father and sister. I revert to calling my father “Daddy” whenever I speak with him on the phone. I’m not sure if that means anything. I’m sure it does.

I believe too, that my behavior in quite indictitive in how I do handle, cope and understand these situations. Something said is easily taken totally out of its context; and I have this uncanny ability to twist its actual meaning around so that it fits my current state of mind. I am not the type of person who handles “confrontations” well. I avoid them at all costs.

Part of my behavior:

be·hav·ior

The manner in which one behaves.

The actions or reactions of a person or animal in response to external or internal stimuli.

Do you think that by understanding behavior (reactions instead of action) that we could change the way we think? Or maybe what I’m trying to say that by understanding better our behavior in any given situation, and knowing ourselves better than those close to us, that we could possibly curttail (nip it in the bud) the flow of adrenaline that rushes through us as we prepare to either take a stand and deal with the problem/situation, or make ready to turn and take flight?

So, in truth, couldn’t the statement I made earlier of having issues with my family be re-worded instead to this: “I have issues in my behavior in dealing with certain emotions triggered in dealing with my family”?

I do believe it. The more I delve into me, the more I discover certain behaviors that don’t make me a happy camper, which leads me to believe too, that in order to behave in an appropriate manner (not flying off the handle or letting my mouth get ahead of my thoughts -thinking before speaking-), perhaps a “time-out” is adequate to allow those rampaging thoughts (emotions and feelings really) to clear a little and allow that “red” haze to dissipate.

So it boils down to getting to know me better; to understand me better; to behave not as a woman hiding and putting up all these defenses, rather to embrace myself and allow these lessons to further heal a spirit and soul to better communicate and become more expressive in a positive way.

Good morning sweet one. You’re right. We can all be happier campers by changing certain reactions. Learn to stop responding in the same way when certain emotional triggers are touched. You’re very insightful. I always called my father Daddy as an adult. Don’t most people? Never felt like a little girl doing that. Most families have issues, even when the love is there

Hello again, dear Whimsical. For sure your spirit is healing. These self-insights are very affirming. Can recall when I went through similar, in my forties. A painful journey at the time, the positive benefits improved my relationships and way of thinking. Glad you put this up, thank you. It’s good to be reminded. Warm hugs

Me Explorer

September 25, 2004

Nodding away here. Which is making me dizzy. I think I need to lie down for a while … hug.

You’re what the autumn knew would happen after the last collapse of primary colour once the last absolutes were torn to pieces you could begin from the poem Stripped by Adrienne Rich. Go well 😉 Love & Hugs

So well thought out and written. I believe you’re right on with it, especially the last few paragraphs. Yes, one can heal/become until we think/act more from our whole mind, soul, spirit. React less from old family stuff. Please gently allow you to be okay as you : )

Who knew being 40-somethin could be this way, huh? ; ) Seems you are making fine progress of being your lovely talented self. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You help me heal and grow by doing so. I’m glad you don’t have to act a mess and idiot as I have acted or reacted like. Just keep being Whimsical : )

What I called my Dad evolved as I did, as he changed, and as our relationship did. It’s not so much the name, is it? This month was ten years since my Dad passed. I’m still learning. Only just now caught on that accepting loss is a major life lesson for me. So, I ain’t speedy ; ) I think turning loose or time out or whatever works is good like you wrote. Thanks again. Love,

You’ve been coming home to yourself since last year. See that, it’s like being born again and fully aware. The authentic you. No masks, the naked self. We go through that rebirth, painful too giving birth to self. In the 70s, I read a little book, “If you see who I am you may not like me.” Have it to this day. It takes courage to be reborn, you have that. It’s a reincarnation

Life is changing for you. Sometimes it’s scary, even so, the drive to continue is strong. Solitude can be like the womb. Warm and peaceful, we need to go there. In silence we hear our true selves. The soul is quite paradoxical, hidden and silent, yet it glows for us and speaks softly to us. We learn to listen in the silence

Always appreciate the way you share here. You make me think more deeply. Snakes seem to shed their skins more easily. Even they go to a secluded place. We seem to have to peel ours bit by bit. Unlike the snake, we have years of conditioned responses to undo. Many from childhood and along the way. It’s rather wonderful to be reborn. Sweetest dreams