September 6, 2012

Downtown Train

Stepped back into the office after a smoke break and found myself in a near-collusion with the new UPS driver. I saw his boots before I saw his face; seems to be my current MO.
Our silent conversation only lasted a fraction of a second – but I swear to you, he heard it, too.
Crash into me.
My eyes burned from screaming so loud.
He didn’t, though. Just set a brown box down on the countertop. Held the scanner out for signature. Smiled. Walked away.
Our hands didn’t even touch.

I just want to feel something again. Just for a second. So that I know it still works.
What if it doesn’t work?
I’m already trying to fight off tomorrow’s by-now’s. Hate that I get like this every year, but not at all sure how to prevent it.
Maybe next year, I keep thinking…
Maybe next year.

I too, often need reassurance that it still works…or in my case, that it ever worked at all. Ryn- I agree, I need to get out of here, even if not the state, at least this city. It’s seriously about as redneck and backward as you can get here and it’s depressing. But moving takes money, which I have none.

I’d love to start e-mailing again. Do you still have the same address?