why do i always screw everythign up??

There will be no futher erotica writings in this diary.The reason being i dont have time to mess around with it in my current state. that may change but as of now no more erotica stuff.

Skip, if u read this im scarred for life and dont trust anyone due to what my classmates have done to me in my past. i KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT IN MY MIND that i have no chance at a relationship with anyone in our school. my heart just refuses to give up hope, but my mind already has. U aren’t the first one, that i have let my heart goveren my actions towards instead of my brain. and now things are more awkard than they were. especially with friday’s convo.

Im just lost in a pile of bad memories and i can truely say that my friends aren’t my friends. because none of them give a damn really. its not like anyone makes a effort outside of school including me. its just like were only friends at school and any other place its not acceptable well im sick and fed up with this bs. even if i imed my best friend since 7th grade i wouldn’t get a response even if i said i was actually killing myself at that moment… which is what i have a mind to do…. i have thought about it so much i could probably do it now even though i know God would be throwing his hands up in digust.

So basically im interacting with out hope and living and existing because of the lord’s great but unkwown purpose for em. and i would really like to just die and get my living earth hell over with.