unexpected news…………………….

S. is single he n his gf broke last tonite… i was supposed to possibly go there after i got off work but i said i would call before i left. i called.. he said he would call me back it was around 1130 and no call from him so i go on to my mom’s house get online and he tells be hes single again… i was like what and hes like long story. he tells me if im quiet i come cum over…i was like my mom’s a light sleeper she’d know i left..

i dont know weather to be happy or sad, so im confused. i want him so damn much but tonite when i so wanted to go to my friend in need. i find my self facing too many conflictin emotions, 1) if i left my mom would freak out cus she saw me come in. 2) i’d have to account for my disapearance and how do i tell her my fb needed me so i went?(well u guys know what i mean… she doesn’t know him as a friend of mine and she likes to know im her baby ) 3) it would cause me to tell im no longer a virgin, and i would lose all hope of gettin money to cover my bilss, cus im a poor ass.

I look at that and im sickened that im so shallow when im at my mom’s house and when im at My apartment if he had said cum i would have gone without a second thought. am i uncaring, or am i just a rotten person. i hope not either is true. because i do love S. and i would hope that even with our differences of oppion it would work out ……………. wait a min… My life never does what i want to, wish for, or pray for. i just hope he realizes what a friend hes got in me.

advice wanted on how to proceed.