myaimconvowithmybestfriendonlineaboutpreviousentr

Anasazi83: HEy

LftBhndW2002: why can’t people like me for who i am?

Anasazi83: did you IM me before

Anasazi83: and I didn’t accept?

LftBhndW2002: yepperz

Anasazi83: Sorry I was typing and it click on the no button

LftBhndW2002: its alright im just completly frustrated the more i try to find a relaitonship the more im put off

Anasazi83: Don’t even worry about it

Anasazi83: I gave up totally

LftBhndW2002: its just eating away at me

Anasazi83: I’m sorry

LftBhndW2002: and the more i try to ignore it … it comes back and hits me hard

Anasazi83: 🙁

LftBhndW2002: Chris its driving me crazy

Anasazi83: 🙁

Anasazi83: Just think I have went 2 years

Anasazi83: and I will proably go for another 2 years

LftBhndW2002: i have gone all 18yrs without so much as a kiss or a lvoign gesture from a guy of anykind

LftBhndW2002: love just seems to tear me apart

Anasazi83: I’m sorry hun.. I know love does thigns

Anasazi83: I try to avoid it

LftBhndW2002: its just eating me away inside and i can’t ignore it anymroe

LftBhndW2002: look at what i wrote in my diary

LftBhndW2002: BornAgainRebuilding – WHY Can’t I have love

Anasazi83: Hun?

Anasazi83: Can I ask you a question

Anasazi83: What is your major problem in your life…

LftBhndW2002: right now a whole bunch of shit

Anasazi83: What are you frustered about right now?

Anasazi83: Hun Desire is what drives me

Anasazi83: My riend told me I was stupid for not working

Anasazi83: and for a period of time I had 2 jobs at once.

Anasazi83: Now I am working ALOT!

LftBhndW2002: My unlce not helping my mom out… my mom switching jobs taking a paycut… moneies tight… my impending surgury …. if ill ahve a mom in a few years because of her stress level and im flustered by my failures ot have a relationship

Anasazi83: oI have $1500 saved up

Anasazi83: If you don’t like life change it.

Anasazi83: In your diary

Anasazi83: THe Plain truth is im not pretty im fat

LftBhndW2002: YEs it is

Anasazi83: you have this massive desier to lose weight.

Anasazi83: Have you tried to lose wight?

Anasazi83: Like honest to goodness tried.

Anasazi83: It is very appart right now you have a massive desire to do that

LftBhndW2002: i just give in to cravings

Anasazi83: Okay…

Anasazi83: When people are trying to quit smoking they get those pieces of gum

Anasazi83: and they get like maybe 4 a day.

LftBhndW2002: the harder i try not to the more id o

Anasazi83: Limit yourself to 4 splurges or like 2…

LftBhndW2002: nothing works im hopeless

Anasazi83: and if you find that you realize…. Kim.. I don’t like what I am doing… while you are eating it.. Wrap it up and put it away.

LftBhndW2002: tried that

Anasazi83: I found to use my weakness to my strenghts

Anasazi83: I wanna get buff

Anasazi83: I got the lower body cuz I bike ALOT

Anasazi83: and put I wanted to work on my upper body

Anasazi83: Well I start at Home Depot and they stuck me in the parking lot

Anasazi83: Lifting 80lbs bags of concrete

Anasazi83: 40lbs bags of top soil.

Anasazi83: entire grills.

Anasazi83: fridges.

Anasazi83: wood.

Anasazi83: sand..

LftBhndW2002: i have to get a new bike first and i dont have money to do that

Anasazi83: and pushing row upon rows of carts

Anasazi83: in 2 months I have noticed a change in my upper body and I do that even though I ain’t crazy about the work.

LftBhndW2002: not when u have a bad back

Anasazi83: Just go for a walk.

Anasazi83: Take a cd player and go for a walk

LftBhndW2002: dont like walks

Anasazi83: Do you have a cd burner?

LftBhndW2002: si

Anasazi83: Hun… you are gettign the surgery right?

Anasazi83: That is a majro change in your apperance.

Anasazi83: USe that as motivation.

Anasazi83: you need motivation hun…

Anasazi83: Use your desier.

Anasazi83: Don’t make goals.

LftBhndW2002: yes i am

LftBhndW2002: desire is all i got and that to get the hell out of here

Anasazi83: Use that desier as a good thing.

Anasazi83: Go for a walk… You might not like it go late at night go early morning.

Anasazi83: Just abuse the fact that in the creation of humans god gave them desire.

Anasazi83: Abuse that to the full extent

LftBhndW2002: life is jsut hell on earth and it sucks

Anasazi83: Maybe for every 5 lbs you lose I will send you a hand written letter. 🙂 Would that be enough?!

LftBhndW2002: r u trying to bribe me into this aren’t u

Anasazi83: If I have to…

Anasazi83: I know you want to.

Anasazi83: I KNOW you do

Anasazi83: you just have to find it in yourself

Anasazi83: I gotta hit that nerve you got that said GOD DAMNIT I’m GONNA DO THIS!

LftBhndW2002: the thing i hate the most is i try some thing and i really want to do it and after a few days i lose heart again and again

Anasazi83: you need motivation.

Anasazi83: Eventually I am gonna get to the point where I say… Kim I won’t talk to you until you decide to just do this…. and I don’t wanna do that.

LftBhndW2002: i’d die without u

Anasazi83: I know. that is why I don’t wanna get to that point

LftBhndW2002: would u really do that ot me?

Anasazi83: Probably not..

Anasazi83: But I want you to be happy… and if that mean finding you some motivation I will try everything under that.

Anasazi83: But if that is what I need to make you happy…

Anasazi83: It is in you.. I know it. You want to. you just need the power

LftBhndW2002: they say college is the chance to reinvent ur self but id ont kwno im so lost and confused and ur probably right i need to be motivated but i reinvented my self to high school i dont think i have anythign left at all to use

Anasazi83: 🙂 Yes you do.

LftBhndW2002: do i hows that?

LftBhndW2002: im emotinoaly drained im physically way obese its rediculas

LftBhndW2002: Chris?

Anasazi83: I’m here

Anasazi83: I am just thinking how I can motivate ya