IM hurting so damn bad right nwo

How did this happen to me? The only person i love is you. Yet were miles apart me in the midwest and you on the East Coast. I can tolerate your being with girls in your area. Yet i can’t even get anythign here. no friends, no guy relationships oh wait lets see… Any relationships i’ve had have been online nothign real. Yet your struggling with your conconcious over a friend. Im suffering a family loss and all you seem to talk about is how close you came to losing ur virginity. I’m just confused.Lost and confused i feel like one of my stupid slogan shirts I used to be schizophrinic but were okay now. IM not ok, i have never been okay and you saw me through all of that. Now i know im losing you too. i can’t bear it. I just want to die inside but somehow you keep me goign i jsut can’t live like this not anymore and i dont knwo waht to do.

(im using pronouns because im not going to go through my whole story today im too emotionaly spent)