3/2/2003

well, just what i need. Skip tells me he got drunk last night, and that in a couple of days he could possible have a gf. then i asked him why i was i okay to be friends with but never a gf? He’s like because u get to depressed easly.. and some other stuff. then i was like i guess we really dont know each other taht well then.

Its hard enough being 18 and all ur friends have had at least one if not many relationships and I have had none. yea i got my first kiss at 18, so what. im not in a relationship with him. is it a crime to just want to be loved? i didn’t think so. but maybe it is. All the guys i know or have met are taken or soon will be. and it hurts. Its like im destined to be alone. when i so despertly dont want to be alone. im sick of being alone. As i said before i would so rather die than be alive, especailly if im destined to be alone. Just once in my life, i would like to give love to a guy and have it returned. im sick of being teased and confused and just completely emotionally fucked up because of it.

I just want to die. i dont want to live anymore. and its a mortal sin to kill oneself. but its crossing my mind again, toying with the idea of it. just because im not capable of handling what im going through this loniness and emptyness that i feel inside. i just can’t take it.

IM just a mess. im going to go before my tears mess up my keyboard.

hey sweetie, look i don’t know you at all, but if you ever wanna talk just leave me a note. I know what it’s like to wanna die, and to feel all alone, insivible. it’s the worst feeling in the world. but you matter, and you’re here for a reason, and i have to tell myself that every single day. and someday you’re gonna be in the happy relationship you deserve and it will be beautiful. take care.

Sherry

March 2, 2003

you need to forget about him and realize that a guy wont make u happy. u need to find some other sourse of happiness because a guy isnt reliable. take care and cheer up!

ACTress WomN

March 3, 2003

Hey! Was TOD letting you change colors by them, or did you do it w/ your own way?? J/w! I’m also sick of being alone and I have had come very close to killing myself before, but I know it’s not worth it. I know there is better stuff heading my way, just the same as it is yours. I’m not going to give up. I don’t have much right now either, but we will in the future. Welp, NMBS, bye!

Oops, sorry, meant FOD. Heh. 🙂

RYN: Thanks. Sometimes I don’t know where the line between subconscious and conscious is.. I hope you find happiness soon. I’ve repeatedly tossed the same thoughts around in my head as you are.. it hurts. It really hurts. I get depressed real easily too, and I feel lousy being alone.. so don’t feel like your suffering alone in those aspects.. take care of yourself, and cry as much as you want..

RYN = in (R)esponse to (Y)our (N)ote ..at least, that’s what i think it means.. something close to that anyway.