2/12/02

how can i be this way how can i have the blues when i have the best guy in the whole world as a friend. thats what all of my guys are just friends, i could name countless guys that i have liked more than two hands full of guys and their all just friends. how can that be? what do i do that i never get into a relationship no one sees past the looks or bothers to earn my trust im honest to them and all i do is get sporned for someone who isn’t and fake and has a repuation as easy. its pathetic.

I may be suffering from depression and recovering slowly but if each february and march set me back how will i ever fully recover.? or if i keep getting rejected from guys. how will my heart heal? thats something i want an answer to because right now i have no clue as to waht to do. Right now im listening to christian music so different’ from the norm because its relaxing my torn soul.

I’m torn between giving up completley and really becomming a hermit. and not doign anything but sitting in front of my computer where no one judges me by my looks. and they all get to know me. or maybe im just using the net as my solace. who knows anymore. im just giving up period.

lataz all